We moved! Yay!
Actually we haven't MOVED quite yet. I brought my stuff to spend the night but the actual furniture doesn't arrive until Saturday. That's ok though.
Here's a slideshow! I just discovered I can embed them in a blog post! Lucky you!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Merlin and Stevie.
Remember my friend Jennifer the dog trainer? Well these are her own two dogchildren, Merlin (lying down) and Stevie (sitting on the left). I call them "Mermoo and Steezy" but that's just me. She was experimenting with her new camera and thought she'd have some fun with them and their magnificent LARGE EARS.
I love these doggies and feel honored to have met them in person. :)
I love these doggies and feel honored to have met them in person. :)
Friday, September 12, 2008
Hello.
I don't really have anything NEW to report. My job is going really well. I'm enjoying it and love the fact I can go for a long walk at lunchtime on a trail next to the building with trees and birds and such. Who can say that?!
Yeah, ok. People who work in the same office park. Heh. Got it. Smartypants.
Also I am awesome and excited for the future.
WHAT??
Yeah, ok. People who work in the same office park. Heh. Got it. Smartypants.
Also I am awesome and excited for the future.
WHAT??
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Today is September 11th.
This is from Op-Ed columnist Roger Cohen at the New York Times. Please read it and ponder.
In the Seventh Year
In the Seventh Year
Monday, September 08, 2008
Looking for Soap.
This post is quite intense, but if there is anyone out there going through something similar, I want this to be available for them to read.
____________________________________________________________________
He clenched his fists.
“Oh fuck. Not again.”
Panic set in yet one more time that afternoon. It would be the seventh by his count.
The feeling was all too familiar - almost as though some internal neurotic receptor set off small sticks of dynamite throughout his body, detaching ligaments from skin letting his innards slide out onto the floor.
Hollow.
“Don't fight it. Don't fight it. Oh God don't fight it. You will just panic more.”
He closed his mouth and inhaled through his nose.
“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...”
He held his breath for three counts and exhaled.
“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven...”
It was an exercise his counselor had told him to try. When a panic attack sets in, he would breathe through his nose for seven counts, hold for three, then exhale through his mouth for eleven counts – it looked silly but it was better than hyperventilating. He wasn't about to go through that again. One month ago to the day he had an attack so bad it ended with hyperventilation in the emergency room. The doctor was very kind and explained what was going on. Until that point he hadn't realized what he was experiencing could be categorized or defined. At first the news was exhilarating. Now that he knew what it was he could fight it!
That's the catch with panic attacks, however. You can't fight them. If you do it just makes them worse.
He broke out in a cold sweat.
“All the feelings you're having right now are NORMAL.” his counselor assured him. It was all part of the stress he was going through that would be ending soon.
“It's ending soon and once things start to follow a pattern you WILL be ok.” her voice was so relaxing and made him feel so much better. If only he could make an appointment to see her on the spur of the moment!
He tried to remember the thought process she had told him to use. There were three thoughts he was supposed to acknowledge to help him stay focused. He pulled out the paper from their last meeting. It was permanently folded in his wallet.
“What are you doing?”
He was at the supermarket looking at soap. It was just soap! What did that have to do with anything? Why can't he just look at some fucking soap? Is that too much to ask?? He just wanted to see what lavender soaps there were because lavender is supposed to be calming!
“How intense are the feelings?”
She would ask him to quantify them in their appointments. He was always bad at that. It always felt like a 10 on a scale of 1 being “Chill” and 10 being “Batshit Strung Out” but it couldn't always be a 10, could it? Could he really be that unstable? Could he even trust his brain anymore? Was he losing his mind?
The waves of emptiness crammed his thoughts and pushed out any logic. He unzipped again.
Plop.
“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...”
On to the next question. He had to push forward.
“What are your thoughts?”
This was a hard one as well. Panic is a product of the subconscious mind. It doesn't necessarily come from specific thoughts. It's just an overall feeling. Or is it? He didn't know anymore. He didn't care. All he wanted to do was get the hell out of the store and hide in his car. Hide and drive. That was his safety maneuver. Hide in the car and drive very fast down the freeway. He started to bolt for the parking lot.
“Just get past the produce and then you're almost free.”
As he jogged through the store, he thought about his driving. It was a method of escape and although he was terrified inside, he hadn't killed anyone yet nor had he even been pulled over. In fact, he was really good at driving down the freeway in the midst of a panic attack. He even followed the speed limit.
Wait. This meant something. He paused by the oranges.
“Oh...now...see that's a good thing. You're very strong, you know. Who can say that they have done that? You're actually really good at that.”
His body was slowly reattaching.
“You are very good at taking care of yourself as a whole, really – not just when you're driving. This entire month, through all these panic attacks, you've still made it to work. You've still made it to the grocery store. You've still been able to transact business and never left your credit card behind, forgot your receipt or your bag...you've even remembered to not only make a lunch for work, but bring it too! That's so wonderful!”
His breathing started to get more steady.
“You are really strong and you are safe with yourself. You are the safest person I know. I completely trust you.”
He started to well up with tears.
“You are safe.”
He needed to wipe his nose.
“You are safe and I love you.”
He calmly got into the car and blew his nose on a napkin from his stash in the glove box. It felt good – almost like all the bad thoughts were coming off onto that bright yellow napkin with the word “TACO” written in sombreros on it. That made him laugh. Laughing felt glorious.
The sunshine through the windshield warmed his face and he thought he might go for a walk in the park once he got home.
“I trust you and I love you. Really. Things are going to be just fine.”
He believed it, too.
____________________________________________________________________
If you or someone you know is experiencing anxiety or panic attacks, have them speak with a medical professional. That is the most important step. In addition, you may want to show them this page. The information on here is incredible.
Panic Attacks
Thank you.
____________________________________________________________________
He clenched his fists.
“Oh fuck. Not again.”
Panic set in yet one more time that afternoon. It would be the seventh by his count.
The feeling was all too familiar - almost as though some internal neurotic receptor set off small sticks of dynamite throughout his body, detaching ligaments from skin letting his innards slide out onto the floor.
Hollow.
“Don't fight it. Don't fight it. Oh God don't fight it. You will just panic more.”
He closed his mouth and inhaled through his nose.
“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...”
He held his breath for three counts and exhaled.
“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven...”
It was an exercise his counselor had told him to try. When a panic attack sets in, he would breathe through his nose for seven counts, hold for three, then exhale through his mouth for eleven counts – it looked silly but it was better than hyperventilating. He wasn't about to go through that again. One month ago to the day he had an attack so bad it ended with hyperventilation in the emergency room. The doctor was very kind and explained what was going on. Until that point he hadn't realized what he was experiencing could be categorized or defined. At first the news was exhilarating. Now that he knew what it was he could fight it!
That's the catch with panic attacks, however. You can't fight them. If you do it just makes them worse.
He broke out in a cold sweat.
“All the feelings you're having right now are NORMAL.” his counselor assured him. It was all part of the stress he was going through that would be ending soon.
“It's ending soon and once things start to follow a pattern you WILL be ok.” her voice was so relaxing and made him feel so much better. If only he could make an appointment to see her on the spur of the moment!
He tried to remember the thought process she had told him to use. There were three thoughts he was supposed to acknowledge to help him stay focused. He pulled out the paper from their last meeting. It was permanently folded in his wallet.
“What are you doing?”
He was at the supermarket looking at soap. It was just soap! What did that have to do with anything? Why can't he just look at some fucking soap? Is that too much to ask?? He just wanted to see what lavender soaps there were because lavender is supposed to be calming!
“How intense are the feelings?”
She would ask him to quantify them in their appointments. He was always bad at that. It always felt like a 10 on a scale of 1 being “Chill” and 10 being “Batshit Strung Out” but it couldn't always be a 10, could it? Could he really be that unstable? Could he even trust his brain anymore? Was he losing his mind?
The waves of emptiness crammed his thoughts and pushed out any logic. He unzipped again.
Plop.
“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...”
On to the next question. He had to push forward.
“What are your thoughts?”
This was a hard one as well. Panic is a product of the subconscious mind. It doesn't necessarily come from specific thoughts. It's just an overall feeling. Or is it? He didn't know anymore. He didn't care. All he wanted to do was get the hell out of the store and hide in his car. Hide and drive. That was his safety maneuver. Hide in the car and drive very fast down the freeway. He started to bolt for the parking lot.
“Just get past the produce and then you're almost free.”
As he jogged through the store, he thought about his driving. It was a method of escape and although he was terrified inside, he hadn't killed anyone yet nor had he even been pulled over. In fact, he was really good at driving down the freeway in the midst of a panic attack. He even followed the speed limit.
Wait. This meant something. He paused by the oranges.
“Oh...now...see that's a good thing. You're very strong, you know. Who can say that they have done that? You're actually really good at that.”
His body was slowly reattaching.
“You are very good at taking care of yourself as a whole, really – not just when you're driving. This entire month, through all these panic attacks, you've still made it to work. You've still made it to the grocery store. You've still been able to transact business and never left your credit card behind, forgot your receipt or your bag...you've even remembered to not only make a lunch for work, but bring it too! That's so wonderful!”
His breathing started to get more steady.
“You are really strong and you are safe with yourself. You are the safest person I know. I completely trust you.”
He started to well up with tears.
“You are safe.”
He needed to wipe his nose.
“You are safe and I love you.”
He calmly got into the car and blew his nose on a napkin from his stash in the glove box. It felt good – almost like all the bad thoughts were coming off onto that bright yellow napkin with the word “TACO” written in sombreros on it. That made him laugh. Laughing felt glorious.
The sunshine through the windshield warmed his face and he thought he might go for a walk in the park once he got home.
“I trust you and I love you. Really. Things are going to be just fine.”
He believed it, too.
____________________________________________________________________
If you or someone you know is experiencing anxiety or panic attacks, have them speak with a medical professional. That is the most important step. In addition, you may want to show them this page. The information on here is incredible.
Panic Attacks
Thank you.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Pittock Mansion
Would you like to see another slide show?
You know you do.
Pittock Mansion!
My favorite part was the amazing views from the grounds!
I promise I'll write something soon. Really.
You know you do.
Pittock Mansion!
My favorite part was the amazing views from the grounds!
I promise I'll write something soon. Really.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Updated Portland Capers!
Hello there.
Becka and I went to the Forestry Center at Washington Park. I have added the photos of our day to the front of my Portland Capers slideshow. If you're really, really bored, you may enjoy this.
Slideshow!
Becka and I went to the Forestry Center at Washington Park. I have added the photos of our day to the front of my Portland Capers slideshow. If you're really, really bored, you may enjoy this.
Slideshow!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Update! With photos of trees!
Hello!
I have been so busy lately! I started a job and have to actually WORK now! Like all day! Five days a week! Can you believe it??
The job is awesome. When I started training it dawned on me this is a great opportunity and they don't hire just anyone - which should have been clear to me after the HOUR and a HALF interview I went through to get hired! It's going well and I am happy with it.
Additionally, I went for a walk! My cousin showed me this great park by her house where she walks her dog and I went to take photos today. Here they are!
Walkies!
Things are good on this end...how are things with you?
I have been so busy lately! I started a job and have to actually WORK now! Like all day! Five days a week! Can you believe it??
The job is awesome. When I started training it dawned on me this is a great opportunity and they don't hire just anyone - which should have been clear to me after the HOUR and a HALF interview I went through to get hired! It's going well and I am happy with it.
Additionally, I went for a walk! My cousin showed me this great park by her house where she walks her dog and I went to take photos today. Here they are!
Walkies!
Things are good on this end...how are things with you?
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Jeannie's pictures!
My friend Jeannie (who is an excellent photographer) came to visit Becka and I. We had so much fun and it was wonderful to see her again!
She made a set on Flickr of her photos, taken mainly at Waterfront Park, The Coast, Multnomah Falls, the Japanese Gardens and a couple of Becka's adorable cat Nomie (who was featured in the "Keetykeetymowmow" video you saw a few posts back). All of the photos are really pretty. You should check them out. :)
Jeannie's Pictures
Thank you for visiting Jeannie! It was nice to see you!
She made a set on Flickr of her photos, taken mainly at Waterfront Park, The Coast, Multnomah Falls, the Japanese Gardens and a couple of Becka's adorable cat Nomie (who was featured in the "Keetykeetymowmow" video you saw a few posts back). All of the photos are really pretty. You should check them out. :)
Jeannie's Pictures
Thank you for visiting Jeannie! It was nice to see you!
Saturday, August 23, 2008
What did this guy do today?
This guy went to Cannon Beach.
He really can't help himself.
He also got some pictures of the famed "Haystack Rock"
which is SURREAL in person.
which is SURREAL in person.
After that, this guy went to Cranky Sue's for
clam chowder and a turkey burger.
clam chowder and a turkey burger.
Mmm.
The first picture is courtesy of my friend Becka, who accompanied me to the beach with our friend Jeannie, who will be sending me more photos of our day which I will share with you.
DID I MENTION HOW AWESOME IT IS HERE? DID I?
What did you do today?
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Rockaway Beach, Cannon Beach and Seaside!
On the way to Rockaway Beach, I decided to take a longer route and explore the coast a little bit before meeting my friends (read: I got lost). I made a Flickr set of the photos from that excursion as well as some I took once reaching my destination.
More Beach Photos
Enjoy! I recommend viewing it as a slideshow!
More Beach Photos
Enjoy! I recommend viewing it as a slideshow!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
THE BEACH!!!
So my dear friends Kevin and Jordan (who just got ENGAGED!) went with Jordan's parents, brother and brother's girlfriend (who also just got ENGAGED TOO!) to their yearly vacation spot of Rockaway Beach. I happen to live 1.5 hours from there now, so I totally went to see them for the day. It was so cool! I can't believe I can daytrip to THE COAST now! We had delicious food (courtesy of Jordan's dad), explored the town, swam around, made sand castles/sea turtles and just relaxed on the shore. The weather was perfect as well!
Here are the photos, courtesy of Kevin:
Thank you to all of you for such a fun time! I really enjoyed myself! Congratulations to Jordan, Kevin, Mike and Jill too! You guys are awesome!
Here are the photos, courtesy of Kevin:
Me, Jordan and Kevin.
The view from their hotel room.
The whole crew.
Not sure what's going on here.
Thank you to all of you for such a fun time! I really enjoyed myself! Congratulations to Jordan, Kevin, Mike and Jill too! You guys are awesome!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
"We'd like to offer you the position..."
Those have to be the 7 most satisfying words to hear.
I am officially employed in Oregon. :)
I am officially employed in Oregon. :)
Sunday, August 10, 2008
I have a new love...
...and it goes by the name of "Matzo Ball Soup" at Rose's restaurant.
SO DELICIOUS.
WOW.
SO DELICIOUS.
WOW.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
LASERTIMES.
LASERTIMES.
Originally uploaded by Dynamite Doggies!
(That video is here.)
Stella is just too much, isn't she? Hahaha!
Friday, August 08, 2008
The Bite of Oregon!
Amber and Tim asked if I would like to go to a festival at the Waterfront showcasing regional cuisine from all over the state today.
WOULD I?!
We had such an awesome time! I'm really glad they're here! Here are some pictures.
Bite of Oregon
Also, I will be periodically updating this set from before. There are some new pictures loaded today from our walk all over town after the festival.
Portland Capers
I am starting to feel like I might possibly be at home. :)
WOULD I?!
We had such an awesome time! I'm really glad they're here! Here are some pictures.
Bite of Oregon
Also, I will be periodically updating this set from before. There are some new pictures loaded today from our walk all over town after the festival.
Portland Capers
I am starting to feel like I might possibly be at home. :)
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
This is what happens when you've officially lost it.
Keetykeetymeowmeow.
Originally uploaded by reseda76
Send help.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Dinner! OMG!
Thank you everyone for your prayers, pep-talks and phone calls. You cannot even imagine how much it helped. I am feeling much better and even went out to dinner with a friend! Yes! Jenn! My friend from high school! She has been living here for six years! Who knew?
We went to Blue Tangerine at Bridgeport Village. I had the grilled veggie kebab with saffron rice and Shirazi salad.
IT WAS AMAZING!
I'm back. ;)
We went to Blue Tangerine at Bridgeport Village. I had the grilled veggie kebab with saffron rice and Shirazi salad.
IT WAS AMAZING!
I'm back. ;)
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Checking in...
I am feeling much better now. Prayer and phone calls to some very important people helped. Thank you for helping me.
The sun is out, it's warm and pleasant, I'm finishing my laundry and then walking to the store. Again. Smiling at everyone I see on the way. Again.
This is becoming a good day. :)
The sun is out, it's warm and pleasant, I'm finishing my laundry and then walking to the store. Again. Smiling at everyone I see on the way. Again.
This is becoming a good day. :)
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