Monday, April 30, 2007

Hola.

Hoy trato de escribir este blog post todo en español. No se como se dice "blog post" en español pero no es importante.

"Pero, Miguel," te dices "¿Por que? Tu eres loco."

Hace dos años estudió la lengua pero nunca habló afuera de la clasé. No hay razones por eso. Pues, hay razones pero no hay razones buenos (soy americano y ingles es mi lengua primera y es más facíl para hablar y escribir en ingles, tengo familia en Costa Rica que no me gusta nada, tengo miedo de errores y blahblahblahBLAH.)

Español es la lengua extranjera entiendo más de cada lengua todo el mundo y MI MAMA PUEDE HABLAR CONMIGO.

Sí.

Espero que escribo en español a veces.

Eso es todo.

Bye.

P.S. I almost clicked the spellcheck button just now. Hee hee hee!

P.P.S. I know the grammar, spelling and punctuation are WAY off. This is just a first attempt.

P.P.P.S. Adiós.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Published a year ago today...

Hi! What were you doing today one year ago?

kjpepper gave me this idea awhile ago. This is what I posted a year ago (more or less...I didn't have one from exactly the 27th of April but it's close).

My life has changed SO MUCH in that time and most of it for the better, though this is a pretty wacked-out-in-a-funny-way post so maybe not THAT much has changed.

Enjoy!

Last Year

Thursday, April 26, 2007

HAPPY BELATED OFFICE MONKEY DAY!

Look at this crazy crap! My co-workers got me this basket
in appreciation of my office monkeyism! Go me!!

BASKET!!


Who is groat? I'll tell you who. ME. I'm GROAT.


Reaching out and touching someone's frosting.


From what I can see, revenues are UP!


A frosted computer is a happy computer.


Mmmmm. Memolicious.


THANK YOU FOR MY BASKET!! YOU GUYS ARE GROAT!!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Thanks Andee and Carole!

"If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want-- good or bad. When you've finished, post this little paragraph on your blog, and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you."

These things are fun. OH! If you post a memory of me, I'll respond with a memory of you. Yay!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

No one belongs here more than you.

This is hilarious.

Miranda July

I want that book. In yellow please. Also I have the same blue book but not a shirt to match. I should look into fixing that.

Thanks.

Back in Elevator

AC/DC's "Back in Black" keeps going through my head. But halfway through the first verse it mashes itself into Aerosmith's "Love in an Elevator."

Hm. How very odd.

Monday, April 23, 2007

OMG YAY!!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

FREAKIN' LINGONBERRY JAM ROCK ONNNNNN!!!

(No I am not excited.)

Article attached below:

START MAKING YOUR LIST AND PRACTICING YOUR SWEDISH; UTAH’S OWN IKEA STORE WILL OPEN MAY 23, 2007 IN DRAPER

Salt Lake-area location will be 1st IKEA store in Mountain West and 30th in U.S.

Contact: Joseph Roth 610-834-0180, x6500

DRAPER, UT, March 6, 2007 – IKEA, the world’s leading home furnishings retailer, today announced that its future Draper, UT store will open at 9:00 AM on Wednesday, May 23, 2007. IKEA Draper will be the Swedish company’s first store and restaurant destination in the Mountain West and 30th in the U.S. (In the meantime, customers can shop online at www.IKEA-USA.com, or at stores in Tempe, AZ; Covina, CA and West Sacramento, CA.)

“Due to the progress made during the fall and the snowy winter, we are confident the remaining construction milestones and interior build-up process will be complete by late May,” noted Paul Janzen, store manager of the future IKEA Draper. Janzen added, “now our primary objective is to continue hiring and training the nearly 350 Utahns who will be joining the IKEA coworker family before we open.”

In addition to 10,000 exclusively-designed items, IKEA Draper will present 50 different room settings, three complete model homes, a supervised children’s play area, and a 300-seat restaurant serving Swedish specialties such as meatballs with lingonberries or salmon plates, as well as American dishes. Other family-friendly features include a ‘Children’s IKEA’ area in the showroom, baby care rooms, preferred parking and play areas throughout the store.

Located south of Salt Lake City on 22.5 acres along Pony Express Drive at the northwestern corner of I-15 and Bangerter Highway, the 310,000 square-foot IKEA store created 500 construction jobs and in May will welcome 350 new coworkers into the IKEA family of more than 11,000 in the U.S. and 100,000 globally. Although the future IKEA Draper is still progressing through outfitting phases, prospective coworkers are welcome to apply for diverse positions available in: home furnishings sales, interior decoration, customer service, safety and security, cashiers, maintenance, goods flow, receiving, warehouse and stock replenishment. IKEA Draper also offers food service opportunities in its Restaurant, Swedish Foodmarket, Café Bistro and coworker cafeteria.

There currently are more than 250 IKEA stores in 34 countries, including 29 in the United States, where other stores are being planned in: Brooklyn, NY; Charlotte, NC; Orlando, FL; Portland, OR; Somerville, MA; Sunrise, FL; and West Chester, OH.

Since its 1943 founding in Sweden, IKEA has offered a wide range of home furnishings and accessories of good design and function, at low prices so the majority of the people can afford them. IKEA has been ranked in FORTUNE’s annual “100 Best Companies to Work For” list (three years in a row), Working Mother magazine’s annual list of “100 Best Companies for Working Mothers” (four years in a row) and Training magazine’s annual “Top 125” ranking of companies that excel at human capital development (five years in a row). IKEA incorporates environmentally friendly and socially responsible efforts into day-to-day business, and continuously supports initiatives that benefit causes such as children and the environment. For the IKEA Web Site or for information about working at IKEA, please go to www.IKEA-USA.com.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Me gusta Cholula con mis huevos.

Hey hey hey.

My modem is still broken (GRAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!) so I am writing this from my parents' house. It's somewhat of a good thing I'm here because, in addition to the internet access and snazzy iMac they let me use, it smells less like onions.

You read that right.

Before I came over, I was sitting on my bed at home running my feet over the massager whatsit on the floor when suddenly my nostrils were ASSAULTED with the reek of onions.

Green onions, specifically.

At first I thought it was something in my kitchen, but nothing there has onions in it. It could have been from the eggs I had with Ashley at Rooster's for breakfast this morning (which was AWESOME), but I've washed my hands several times since then and didn't bring the green onion-laden eggs home anyway. So I'm confused.

It smells like a frittata over there. For real.

I don't know quite what's going on but I really, really hope whomever in my building was making Onion Surprise or Onion Pie or whatever the hell it was has finished at this point and I THANK GOD my building has an open-air courtyard. Oh, and that I own a big bottle of Febreze too.

Whew!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

WordFox AdobeAccess PhotoExcel

Hi.

I was just switching from Word to Firefox and for a brief second the title bars overlapped and I swear it said "Microzilla FireWord."

You would have laughed too.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Mongolian Summer BBQ

I just checked the weather.

Currently in Ulanbataar, Mongolia (also spelled Ulan Bator), known as THE WORLDS COLDEST CAPITAL CITY, it is NINE degrees WARMER than here and their five-day forecast makes me want to grab my swimsuit and head off to a yurt for the weekend.

Something is very, very wrong with that.

The weather difference. Not going to Mongolia. I would actually do that.

Thank you. That is all.

Monday, April 16, 2007

More bad news.

Shooting at Virginia Tech leaves 32 dead.

This was really sad. I'm sorry but as an employee of a university I felt it had to be posted here. My heart goes out to everyone affected by this tragedy.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Let's post something funny now.

HI!

So last night I drove past a Wal-Mart. Two things happened that were funny.

1. The skidmarks from my almost running the red light at that intersection two weeks ago were still there (AAHH!!) and...

2. Passing Wal-Mart reminded me of this story that was written in my old blog almost two years ago.

Let me point out I have since ceased shopping at the aforementioned retail outlet. This was one of the reasons why. Heh.

Also let me say I don't care where you shop. Shop there if you want. This was just a funny story and I wanted to share.

8/4/05 09:45 am - Mall Mart Pie

Let me tell you about a trip I took to Wal-Mart.

NOTE: THIS STORY IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE. I HAVE NOT EMBELLISHED ANYTHING. WAL-MART EMPLOYEES ARE SO OVERWORKED AND BEWILDERED THEY ACTUALLY ACT LIKE THIS.

I needed a turkey baster. Never mind why, I just needed one okay? So I went to the local Wal-Mart Supercenter (it was close) for said baster. Upon entering the store it was obvious this was going to be quite a feat to find the damn thing. I went to the grocery section and started looking around. After a few minutes of fruitless searching, I consulted a Wal-Mart employee stocking soda nearby. This is how the conversation went:

Me; Hi! I’m trying to find a turkey baster.
Employee: Um…uhh…hey. You see that sign over there?
Me: (Looking) Yeah.
Employee: The one that says “Deli?”
Me: Yeah.
Employee: Well, go over there and ask those people. They know where they are.
Me: Ooookaaay.

I ventured to the Deli section to find two rather cheery women laughing about something…well…cheery until I came to the counter. You could rot cheese with the glare they gave me when I approached them.

Me: Um…hi. I need to get a turkey baster?
Surly Deli Gal #1: (ICE COLD STARE)
Surly Deli Gal #2: Um. Yeah. I think…they’re over in Housewares.
Me: Housewares?
Surly Deli Gal #2: Yeah. Housewares. It’s-
Surly Deli Gal #1: IT’S BEHIND JEWELRY.
Me: (Eager to get the fuck away from them) Okay. Jewelry? Thanks.

What the bloody hell? Behind Jewelry? The turkey basters were behind JEWELRY?? It's no wonder that first guy, the GROCERY employee, didn’t know where they were! They apparently keep them next to the Panama Jack necklaces and $2.00 sunglasses. What do they think they really are? Earrings?!

“Lookee ma! I gots me sum earrings all purty and theys clean out yur ears tew!”

Whatev.

I arrived in the “Housewares” section, or ‘BEHIND JEWELRY” as Surly Deli Gal #1 put it. I still couldn’t find it. Plastic cups? Sure. Trinitron watches? Yessir. Microwaveable dishes? You bet. Turkey basters? That’s a NO. I didn’t want to, but I figured I’d give the whole “Ask an Employee” thing one last try. I found a woman by the popcorn bowls.

Me: Excuse me, where are the turkey basters?
Woman: The what?
Me: Turkey Basters.

At this point the woman made a face resembling what I assume someone would make while a vacuum hose was forcibly jammed up their anus followed by a Chihuahua and a baseball. After a bit, she came out of her coma or whatever it was and asked me:

Woman: Ahm…are them those squeezy juice things?
Me: Um…sure. Yeah. Those squeezy juice things.
Woman: They’re the next aisle over by the microwaves.

I am not even going to go into the dangers of using a baster in the microwave or how wrong it is to put them next to each other. I’ll just leave that to your imagination.

I left the store with my stupid baster and about a week’s worth of dazed post-Wally World haze. If anyone of you has ever shopped at a Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart Supercenter or Neighborhood Market, you know exactly what I am talking about. If not, consider yourself one of the luckiest people on Earth.

The employees are so overloaded with shit I doubt they even remember their names after work - if they let them off work. I have tried to avoid the store, but I am poor and at times I have no other choice. I just wonder how long the stores can be managed that way and survive. K-mart met its demise so eventually Wal-Mart will too, right?

RIGHT??!!

Oh well. At least it’s cheap.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Michelle Kamerath, paging Michelle Kamerath...

In 1998 I began my shaky college career at Westminster College in Salt Lake City. While there I met an absolutely wonderful person who quickly became a close friend. Her name was Michelle Kamerath (I’m posting her name in hopes she will randomly come across this one day out of nowhere even though there’s a greater chance of a giant elephant flying past my window). She was from St. George and we met in a Freshman Seminar activity. Later in the dorms I remembered she was “the one from St. George” and thus began our friendship. Michelle was so witty and so much fun to be around. We would laugh about silly things only the two of us understood and go on random trips in the middle of the night just for the hell of it. She loved the city, living green and being part of a community. She even took a square of grass out behind the student center and started a campus garden! The first bits of environmentalism and smart-growth concepts I learned were from her. I will never forget that.

One day she asked if I could help mark her choir (she was in the choir) dress for hemming. I said “Sure!” and proceeded to take a BLACK, PERMANENT MARKER and DRAW ON THE FRONT OF THE DRESS.

Clearly I misunderstood what she meant.

She panicked briefly, but then we laughed our asses off while cutting the dress nearly in half to hide the marks. She took the extra piece, which was scarf-like at this point, and used it as a scarf for the rest of the winter because that’s the way she was. She took everything in stride and tolerated my bizarre behaviors without so much as a flinch.

For example, one morning at approximately 4 a.m. we decided to go to Park City.

In our pajamas.

She had just been given a BRIGHT SHINY PURPLE coat for Christmas. I got cold and she was too warm, so we went up there and strolled swanky Main Street, me in a purple shiny wonder and her with a piece of dress wrapped around her head. Did I mention we both had patterned flannel pajama pants on? Oh…and did I mention it was during the Sundance Film Festival?

I believe hers had teddy bears on them.

Maybe ducks.

It is one of my most favorite moments.

Things got complicated after I left school. We fell out of touch and then, like so many friendships, one person (read: ME) took it for granted and didn’t value it as much as they should have.

It’s one of my worst mistakes. I really miss her.

After some ridiculous conflict that I don’t even remember but am sure was my fault, she sent me an email telling me how she was thankful to know me, that she was moving to Seattle now that she graduated (she LOVED Seattle), and that she had decided to leave the Mormon Church for good and wanted me to know that I had helped her with the decision.

Do you know what I did? After such a graceful olive branch was extended to me?

I deleted the email without even reading it all the way through.

Yes.

I am the worst person on the planet.

Granted, there’s all the usual bullshit. I was unsure of myself, I was going through some things, I was moving around and a total disaster, blahblahblah, it wouldn’t have worked out and we might have parted angrily if I hadn’t cut off communication BUT THE FACT REMAINS I had a really good friend and let her go.

If only I could talk to her. If only I could tell her that I really do still care about her and miss her friendship very much. If only I could let her know how much I’ve done ever since she taught me about the environment and human impact on it and how much she inspired me! If only we could sit and chat just once more…

In 1999 I went to visit her and another missed friend named Ashley. We filmed a video. It’s a videotape and I don’t even own a VCR anymore but I won’t get rid of it. Both the videotape and the microtape from the camera are safely tucked away in my cabinet.

I just can’t let them go.

Google searches, MySpace searches and any other searches I could think of have turned up fruitless. I fear something might have happened to her and I wish someone could tell me how she’s doing and that she’s okay.

So…if any of you have a good, close friend, tell them how wonderful you think they are. Don’t EVER take the relationship for granted because you may lose them forever.

It can happen in the blink of an eye.

Also…if you are my friend now, know that I love you very much and am very glad to have you in my life no matter what happens.

Thank you. Now go hug your friends.

Monday, April 09, 2007

WOW!

Holy crap! I didn't think anyone else cared about stuff like this!

Holy crap! I'm not a freak! YAY!!

LabelScar

No, it's not anything graphic. It's about MALLS. EEEEE!! :-)

Sunday, April 08, 2007

HAPPY EASTER!!

To those of you who observe Easter, HAPPY EASTER!! Have a wonderful day. I'm going to brunch at Mimi's with my parents and the neighbor lady who is very nice. What are you doing?

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Joy Nash

This woman is my hero.