Michelle Kamerath, paging Michelle Kamerath...

In 1998 I began my shaky college career at Westminster College in Salt Lake City. While there I met an absolutely wonderful person who quickly became a close friend. Her name was Michelle Kamerath (I’m posting her name in hopes she will randomly come across this one day out of nowhere even though there’s a greater chance of a giant elephant flying past my window). She was from St. George and we met in a Freshman Seminar activity. Later in the dorms I remembered she was “the one from St. George” and thus began our friendship. Michelle was so witty and so much fun to be around. We would laugh about silly things only the two of us understood and go on random trips in the middle of the night just for the hell of it. She loved the city, living green and being part of a community. She even took a square of grass out behind the student center and started a campus garden! The first bits of environmentalism and smart-growth concepts I learned were from her. I will never forget that.

One day she asked if I could help mark her choir (she was in the choir) dress for hemming. I said “Sure!” and proceeded to take a BLACK, PERMANENT MARKER and DRAW ON THE FRONT OF THE DRESS.

Clearly I misunderstood what she meant.

She panicked briefly, but then we laughed our asses off while cutting the dress nearly in half to hide the marks. She took the extra piece, which was scarf-like at this point, and used it as a scarf for the rest of the winter because that’s the way she was. She took everything in stride and tolerated my bizarre behaviors without so much as a flinch.

For example, one morning at approximately 4 a.m. we decided to go to Park City.

In our pajamas.

She had just been given a BRIGHT SHINY PURPLE coat for Christmas. I got cold and she was too warm, so we went up there and strolled swanky Main Street, me in a purple shiny wonder and her with a piece of dress wrapped around her head. Did I mention we both had patterned flannel pajama pants on? Oh…and did I mention it was during the Sundance Film Festival?

I believe hers had teddy bears on them.

Maybe ducks.

It is one of my most favorite moments.

Things got complicated after I left school. We fell out of touch and then, like so many friendships, one person (read: ME) took it for granted and didn’t value it as much as they should have.

It’s one of my worst mistakes. I really miss her.

After some ridiculous conflict that I don’t even remember but am sure was my fault, she sent me an email telling me how she was thankful to know me, that she was moving to Seattle now that she graduated (she LOVED Seattle), and that she had decided to leave the Mormon Church for good and wanted me to know that I had helped her with the decision.

Do you know what I did? After such a graceful olive branch was extended to me?

I deleted the email without even reading it all the way through.

Yes.

I am the worst person on the planet.

Granted, there’s all the usual bullshit. I was unsure of myself, I was going through some things, I was moving around and a total disaster, blahblahblah, it wouldn’t have worked out and we might have parted angrily if I hadn’t cut off communication BUT THE FACT REMAINS I had a really good friend and let her go.

If only I could talk to her. If only I could tell her that I really do still care about her and miss her friendship very much. If only I could let her know how much I’ve done ever since she taught me about the environment and human impact on it and how much she inspired me! If only we could sit and chat just once more…

In 1999 I went to visit her and another missed friend named Ashley. We filmed a video. It’s a videotape and I don’t even own a VCR anymore but I won’t get rid of it. Both the videotape and the microtape from the camera are safely tucked away in my cabinet.

I just can’t let them go.

Google searches, MySpace searches and any other searches I could think of have turned up fruitless. I fear something might have happened to her and I wish someone could tell me how she’s doing and that she’s okay.

So…if any of you have a good, close friend, tell them how wonderful you think they are. Don’t EVER take the relationship for granted because you may lose them forever.

It can happen in the blink of an eye.

Also…if you are my friend now, know that I love you very much and am very glad to have you in my life no matter what happens.

Thank you. Now go hug your friends.