Foogoomahgoo.

So for some odd reason, Rod Stewart's "Love Touch" has been floating through my head for the past few days.

What does that MEAN??

Anyway I have a stack of little notes with blog post ideas scribbled on them (it's what I do). None of them sound interesting right now. Unfortunately there's really nothing else to write about.

I worked out again for the first time since July. It felt good but not as good as one would hope. All I did was walk on the track and use the elliptical trainer so that might be why. Booooooriiiiiing. I want to mix up my routine but don't really know how to do it. Any ideas?

Last week we had an office party. It was planned to be held the same night the Steelers (of which my boss is a RABID fan) and the Eagles (of which my coworker is a RABID fan) played each other. My coworker decided to paint her nails silver and green (the Eagles' colors) to irritate my boss. When she came back from getting the nail polish, she said it was really hard to find green polish. The only option, apparently, was what she called "Hoochie Mama" green (complete with SPRINKLES!) and chartreuse. I asked her if she went with the Hoochie Mama green without even thinking how odd it was that I knew what chartreuse looked like and that it wouldn't match the Eagles' colors.

I don't even watch football.

She said that was the only choice and showed me her silver polish, or "Disco Ball." It was a lovely shade of tinfoil. Ahhhhh. The nails were highly effective in razzing my boss, especially when my coworker's husband wore his Eagles jersey. Heh. The game blared in the living room while we all talked outside with beer and hamburgers having a grand time. I don't remember who won, and I don't even think anyone announced it. What I do remember is one of the players, who must be of Latin American descent, turning around showing his last name, "COLON", written in large yellow capital letters across his back. Tee hee.

To be honest Hoochie Mama looked really good with Disco Ball.

In closing, here is a picture I made after listening to Nine Inch Nails (actually I didn't take the picture - I just defaced it).

Mon petit choux.

I went to the mall after work today to look at new cell phone plans. The one I have isn't that great of a deal and I can get a discount by switching to a certain company which shall go unnamed. Alright it's Cingular.

Anyhoodle, I had to walk through Sears to get to the main mall but needed the restroom first. After doing what it is one does in the restroom I went to use the sink and an old man with a shocking white combover and an imposing figure blanketed in black coveralls and a safety-lift belt (?) came up to me.

"You have to hold down the knob if you want it to stay on" he said.

"Thanks." I said.

It's common knowledge now as most restrooms have switched to the "Push N' Squirt" type faucet to save water (especially in Utah) but that was kind of him nonetheless. (is that really a word?) I started to lather my hands in the absence of water.

"No you gotta really hold it down if you...here." he said as he reached over and held down the knob for me so I could rinse my hands with THE LARGEST THUMB I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

That wasn't uncomfortable at all.

I quickly rinsed my hands off and thanked him to which he replied "Oh...well I use this all the time so I know how it works."

Indeed you do sir.

He lumbered closer to the sink to wash his hands and I was caught in an ethical dilemma. Do I hold the faucet down for gramps over here or do I bolt with my paper towel (used to open the door) and forget about it? He seemed like the type of person who didn't expect anything in return, but maybe he would like it if someone helped him just this once? Would my leaving without returning the favor only reinforce in his mind how much the world has changed and the kids are up to no damn good since he was a strapping young lad on the farm driving in his dad's old Ford through town and would even stop to pick up hitchhikers he would, because everybody's a somebody and if they don't have a car it don't mean they're gonna rob ya like a gypsy - unless of course Mary Sue was with him then it was straight to Merkley's Pond for a canoe ride and tuna salad sandwiches that Gus made from the cafe every Wednesday afternoon when the...

Damn you Garrison Keillor.

After my momentary lapse into Lake Wobegon Land I went with the modern-day chickenshit method and left him at the sink. He creeped me out. Sorry. He was very nice but it just wasn't going to happen.

As I opened the door (with my paper towel) I noticed on the cleaning log that Jesus apparently cleans that restroom. How nice. I shall have to comment on his excellent choice of air freshener to the manager.

Following the bathroom escapade I made it to the Cingular store where a VERY CHIPPER salesman gave me everything I needed to know and more about data and voice plans. It seems I can use my cell phone as a modem now and get internet access on my computer from that! Can you believe it? I mean, in MY day we had to hook up to a LAND line and a MODEM the size of a BOOK just to get our EMAIL and even that took all day! But with all this new-fangled technology people just aren't like they used to be. I mean, whatever happened to the time when...

Oh hell no. We're not going there. I am NOT that old.

So it was an interesting afternoon.

I'm hungry. I want fish.

PEACE OUT!!

Eau de toilette

Okay so it wasn't so bad. I wore loose-fitting beige cargo pants (NICE Banana Republic ones) and a brown polo shirt with those leather clog things I have. It worked. People were dressed about as well as me. Whew!

The event was under a HUGE tent on the west lawn. It was very festive and wedding receptionish with lovely music and all that, HOWEVER, there was no french toast. Eggs, salsa potatoes and bacon (?) but no french toast - actually no bread for that matter. It's okay though because I really don't need more french toast or bread. After breakfast a speaker came and we got to answer panel questions with these little clicker remote things a la American Idol but without the music and scary performances. My coworker refused to use the one we had to share. I wonder why? After that we listened to some other speakers, had horrible allergy attacks, then ran back inside to our offices for the allergy meds we keep in the drawers.

Overall it was fine. The day went superfast after that and I came home and fell asleep about 6 p.m. for two hours because I'm responsible like that.

DO YOU SEE WHY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN AWHILE??!!

I need more excitement. Maybe I'll take up skydiving. Anybody want to join me?

Wimps.

Creme de la poop

Tomorrow is the staff opening breakfast where I work.

This means I have to dress up.

My friend and coworker told me "This means no shorts or jeans." Then she laughed.

Ha ha.

What she doesn't understand is that I HATE wearing tight, stiff clothing. Being fat (yeah...I said it...FAT) and male means I not only have a large, flobby midsection but also ONE CHOICE as to what I may wear. Pants and a shirt tucked into said pants. Sucking in all that extra body fat so that you can sardine yourself into nasty polyester pants which feel as flowy as a plastic sock (pleated for extra roominess my ASS), and compromising your internal organs every time you so much as move GOD FORBID sit down DOES NOT SOUND LIKE A FUN WAY TO SPEND A MONDAY MORNING.

But this is work. Nobody ever said it was supposed to be fun.

So I must sausage case myself tomorrow morning. No excuses. The pants are in the closet pressed and the shirt is alongside them. You have no idea how much I am dreading this.

All I can say is they'd better have french toast.



Do you think they'd freak if I showed up in a toga?

Munchie Lunchies

I bought a pizza yesterday.

This is bad because I usually eat WAY too much and feel/look like crap afterwards. But, I bought one anyway. Garlic cheese bread too.

I'm at home right now for lunch. I convinced, nay, ORDERED myself to not eat the pizza nor the bread and rather feast upon the brown rice and spicy marinara I made last night. It was non-negotiable. There was to be no choice but the rice.

God that pizza was good. So was the garlic cheese bread. I'm full.

HELLLP MEEEEEE.

Vegas Pics!

Vegas! Weeeee!!

(Specifically Fremont Street and The Luxor).

Lah Vigah

Tomorrow night I am leaving for Las Vegas to celebrate my friend's birthday. My other friend will be visiting Vegas from Alabama the same weekend. She is coming back with me and staying here until Wednesday.

Though this blog post is calm and collected, please be assured I am very excited and can't want to share my pictures with y'all when I get back.

Thank you.

P.S. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!