Monday, February 27, 2006

What's on yer mind?

What's on my mind...??

I wish I didn't have cold sore medication on my lips because I could go for a bowl of soup right about now. My lips are slathered with medication because I noticed a small bump on the lip above the cold sore which could be ANOTHER cold sore.

Oh f@$k no.

No no no.

No.

I have never had two at the same time. Ever. And I won't. Do you know why I won't? Because I will RIP MY LIPS OFF if another one forms because they are WORTHLESS AND FULL OF HERPES.

That's right. Cold sores are caused by HERPES. Not the "Bow Chicka Bow Bow" herpes, just regular type (yes, there is a regular type).

*BEGIN BORING MEDICAL EXPLANATION*

Cold sores, or fever blisters, are caused by the Herpes Simplex Virus One, which resides in a dormant state in approximately 80% of the world's population. Most people contract the virus before age seven. The actual virus lies within facial nerves directly above the lips. When something triggers it (such as stress, fatigue, whathaveyounobodygivesahoot), it travels down the nerve to the lips, where it causes a HUGE, DISGUSTING, FLUID CHOKED RED SPLOTCH OF HORRID PROPORTIONS.

The blemish (HAH!! MY ASS!!) has five main stages. The first stage is called the Tingle stage. This is the stage in which you feel a slight bump and a tingling sensation in the area where the sore is developing (like the f@$%#&g spot on my upper lip where another motherf@#*%&g sore wants to make me hideous).

The second stage - The Blister stage - is when the first blistering occurs (and it hurts like hell). They are small, painful little bastards which sometimes join up with their homies to create a large, painful bastard.

Stage three is the Weeping stage (Wahoo!). The blister ruptures and leaves a flat, red sore which turns white. This is when they are the most contagious so stay away from babies, the elderly and domestic pets! You'll kill 'em!! (Okay you won't but it sounds good right? Plus I don't like kids.)

Weeping is followed by The Crusting stage. Due to the fact it's on your lips and dry, it will crust over and could split, causing bleeding. Wonderful, glorious bleeding. It also feels like someone has put a match to your face. SPLENDID!

The Healing (NOT!!) stage is the final stage before the virus travels down it's nerve to spite you and start the whole bats@%t clusterf*&k all over again. Scabs form and fall off over and over until it (HOPEFULLY) heals up without scarring.

Hopefully.

*END BORING MEDICAL EXPLANATION*

So there you have it. An explanation I gleaned off various medical reference sites this afternoon in a glum stupor because reading it only reinforced the fact I am DOOMED to be this way FOREVER. Oh...did I mention there is no cure or proven antibiotic for it? Yeah. That too. Though after writing this, for some reason, I feel better now. Well, except for my lip.

Have a nice night.

Bow chicka bow bow...

COLD SORE!!

I have a cold sore.

I don’t like having a cold sore.

I Googled cold sores and found that not only no cure for them exists, but they are also contagious.

The person who gave me a cold sore needs to have their face sanded off with a power sander.

I want to know who that was.

I have a power sander.

That is all.

Grr.



(Note: This picture shows a mean face, but was taken in a happier time when there was no cold sore (last week). Thank you.)

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Can't sleep...hat will eat me...

Hi.

I can't sleep. At all. I took my sleeping pill and was in a deep sleep until around 11:00 when a phone call woke me up and now I can't sleep for anything. This really sucks hardcore because I have to workout at 6 this morning (in five hours with three hours' sleep). You know how critical it is I never miss a session. Why did this have to happen tonight? Of all nights?? I really need the exercise!!

I priced some dental plans online (it's been on my mind) thinking that would make me tired but it didn't. Now I'm writing on this thing. Still not sleepy. What other options are there...??

Oh. Right. None.

Well let's just move on. I bought a Nifty Knitter awhile back and made a hat. Would you like to see the hat? It's pretty awful.

Here is the hat.



Here I am modeling the fine headwear. Do you see how the yarn is so tight my head shows through? STYLIN' STYLES!!



Knitting is YARNTASTIC!!



Here is a closeup of the fine stitching. Notice how the hooks cease to hook and the loops cease to loop. So very intricate.



And a final shot of the whole ensemble.



So there you have it. Delightful! :-)


(NOTE: Though the hat is pretty bad, this is in jest. In reality I like the knitter whatsit and look forward to making more neato stuff, which may or may not be useable. Thank you.)

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

I AM INTERNET. HEAR ME ROAR.

The following post was created to provide an example of just how powerful the Internet can be and was taped in front of a live studio audience.


About 15 years ago, my parents and I watched a special on the Ed Sullivan Show. It was hosted by Burt Reynolds and featured clips of performances during the 20-some years it was on t.v. One of the clips was an opera singer (I forget her name) who sang a very intriguing song. To this day I remembered the tune and always wondered what opera it was from and what the song was entitled so I could get it. Since all I could recall was one word from the title, "Anima," it looked hopeless.

(AUDIENCE SIGHS)

But tonight, ladies and gents, my luck was about to change. You see, there is this thing called Google and it lives on the Internet. When you harness it's power there's NOTHING you can't find!

(APPLAUSE)

Using specific Boolean search terms (don't I sound official?), I found the whole title of the song AND which opera it's from, then I downloaded the song into my iTunes library ALL IN ABOUT 30 SECONDS!!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

That, my dear t.v. viewers, is...say it with me...

(AUDIENCE REPEATS WITH HOST)

"THE POWER OF THE INTERNET."

That's right everyone!!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE, CUE MUSIC)

We'll be right back!!


I don't know about you but does that makes me jones for some serious vintage teeveeh. I could really use a 1970's sitcom right about now. Where's Bob Newhart when you need him? *sigh*

P.S. This was a true story by the way. Google seriously is the shizzy. I want to learn how it works. :-D

P.P.S. There is a light orb behind my head.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

MAH BERFDAY!!



You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too--yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party.

I would like you to dance--Birthday
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance-Birthday
I would like you to dance--Birthday
Dance

You say it's your birthday
Well it's my birthday too--yeah
You say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

(I cut and pasted from another site so forgive me if the lyrics are wrong).

WOOHOOO!! It's MAH BERFDAY TODAY!! I'm 26!! YAH!!

I got a lovely set of wine glasses from my friend Jackie (thank you!), 50 million delicious dinners from other friends, an IPOD SHUFFLE and a bottle of Key Lime RUM from my parents (ROCK ON) and well wishes the world over from all of my friends in all the various corners of the globe in which they live.

This has been a wonderful day. :-)

More to come when I'm not flouncing between social gatherings...

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Sunday Sunday SUNDAY!!

Hi.

This has been a decent weekend. I am housesitting until this afternoon and the dog here has been fun to hang with. I had an awesome time with my friends dinking around town Saturday and a delicious lunch at Café Med (33rd and 3rd). I had Bademjan (BAH-dem-yan). It's a Persian stew of chicken and eggplant in tomato sauce served with basmati rice you mix it with. YUM.

I just thought of something. We have these "exotic" foods we pay through the nose for and marvel at their flavors, but many of these dishes (like Bademjan) are made by normal, everyday people for lunch in their home countries. Bademjan is typically made for shepherds, but here I was delighting in the lovely taste...and paying more than one of them probably makes in a day for it.

Weird. Not exactly news though.

Anyhoo, it was a good day. I saw someone I wasn't expecting at Sur La Table at the Gateway and that was a very nice surprise. ;-)

So here I am typing away while my friend talks to me on the phone. I've developed the uncanny ability to write my blog whileI don't want to go to CHili's. I went there not too long ago so I want to try somewhere new. I was thinkingofthat one place by the mall withthe big sign and the stucco. YOu can go there ifyou want but something different would benice for lunch because we haven't had lunch yetPot Roast?! Does she know how?!!

Wait.

Hold on.

Let me finish the conversation.

There. Moving on...

As I waited for my friends at Café Med, I noticed two of them had the same name. Or...no. I mean, yes, I KNOW they have the same name but what I meant was they are saved with the same first name in my phone so I'm not sure which is who.

Which is who?

You get it. I put in the last name of one of the people, and as I typed on those little multi-letter keys with it's ever-so-handy T9 word recognition (I are eating Martha!!) something snapped. In my head. Suddenly I felt the overwhelming urge to put EVERYONE'S LAST NAME IN EVERY ENTRY RIGHT THEN.

I had to do it. It couldn't be stopped.

It amazed me how quickly I hammered in those names. Why, if I put the energy from that into another area of my life, could you just imagine-

We're not going there.

The last name was edited right as my friends walked in the door. Just like that. Now I have everyone's last name too so I know for CERTAIN which is who! This was great, but then I noticed they were alphabetized by first name. If I could just switch that around...

Please tell me this has happened to you. Please. Even if you have to lie.

P.S. We're going to Ruby Tuesday's.
P.P.S. Bye.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Nothing Doing...

Hi.

I'm housesitting at the same place again (with the same cute dog). I used the treadmill in the basement and did situps and pushups to compensate for not being at the gym (my gym is 20 minutes from here).

It sucked donkey balls.

I have a headache and I don't feel like I got as good a workout as I could have because I have a headache which, in turn, gave me a headache. I didn't really plan ahead because this housesitting assignment was a bit of an emergency one so I just brought everything here and then was like "Shit! I don't want to drive all the way back to the gym!!"

It was dumb. This night has been dumb. I really do think I'm a cool person and I don't think I'm particulary "ugly" as it were, but I want to improve my appearance after many years of neglect and a night like this is a nasty setback to me. But I have to remind myself that it's okay, I'm doing the right thing (at least I exercised), and if I stick to it, in whatever capacity, it will end in a good way.

Yes.

So, I "worked out" and then ate ham. There wasn't much else in the fridge. Just ham. Some older condiments and a big thing full of ham. This is mostly due to the fact the people who live here lead exciting, interesting lives and are never home to do much more than make a ham and put it in the fridge.

Sweet, sweet ham.

After that, I plinked around on the piano and now I'm blogging. This house is really, really quiet when it's empty. The dog is whimpering to be let outside so I'd better do that. He's so cute.

Do you want some ham? There's a crapload over here.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

The best I can do for a post tonight...



I am comatose. I need sleep.

That is all.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Zzz.

I am so sleepy today. Soooo sleeeeeepy.

I didn't have my normal mug of tea so-OH! I COULD HAVE THAT RIGHT NOW!!

Okay. There we go. Feelin' better. So...what was I saying?

Oh yes. The weather is beautiful. Its still in the 40s but the sun is shining and I can feel the warmth through the window. So nice. It even smells good. Fresh. Crisp. Juicy (just kidding).

Springtime! Fresh, crisp, juicy and on sale now for only 99 cents! WOW! Ask for the value meal!!

Whatever.

I have to pee so I'm going to go now. I'll make this more jazzy later. Peace out.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

GrahtEEZ!!

Hey hey!

So I just went to dinner with a really good friend of mine. We went to this incredible Lebanese place called Mazza on 15th and 15th (locals, you know what I'm talking about). The food was incredible and the atmosphere very pleasant. Warm beige walls adorned with colorful Middle Eastern art surrounded us and cream tile floors provided a base for our table graced with a maroon and gold tapestry. We had grilled chicken and vegetable kebabs which came on a bed of basmati rice accompanied with potatoes harra (sauteed in olive oil and spices) Lebanese salad (LEMONLICIOUS!) and a side of the most incredible curried yogurt you could ever wish for.

Aaaaah.

I decided to have the Lebanese table wine (White) to go with dinner at the server's suggestion. He brought me a glass and it was very good. My friend and I chatted about various and sundry and I decided to drink some water. As I put the water glass down it tapped the side of the wine glass and SHATTERED THE EVER-LOVING SHIT OUT OF IT.

Didn't see that one coming didja?

A hush fell over the (now seemingly cavernous) room as everyone looked to see what happened. Three servers in black serverwear converged on our table with towels and whisked the whole mess away before we could say boo. I apologized but I don't think they heard it. The hostess came by and asked what wine I had and quickly brought a new glass. We finished dinner and got the bill. I noticed the charge for one glass of wine and did a quick calculation in my head:

"Wait a minute...I broke the first glass...it was almost empty...they brought me a new one because the first one broke...and...HEY!! I GOT A FREE GLASS OF WINE!! HOT DAMN!!"

You see, there was about a sip left in the first one so I basically got some free booze!! It was such a great moment. A small surprise, but a nice one nontheless.

So...here's my tip for the day. If you want some free wine, all you have to do is drink down the first glass until it's almost empty, break it and they'll GIVE YOU A NEW ONE FOR FREE. GENIUS!!

Aaaaaaaalriiiight.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Boo Diddley

Remember that Simpsons episode where Homer imitates Flanders' voice with a mannequin because the real Flanders was dead? Remember how Maude was talking to it and Homer was screeching in a high-pitched voice and ending every sentence unnaturally with "DIDDLY!!"

Heh heh heh. That was awesome. Too bad Maude died later.

Anyway how are you? Good? Thing going well? Can I offer you something to drink? Diddly? Good. Great. Good. Good.

That totally felt like a conversation huh?

Yeah. You're right. It was lame.

Last night I went to the gym and ran on the treadmill. While I was doing so I watched "Dallas S.W.A.T." on A&E. The men on the S.W.A.T. team made me feel like a tubby underachiever and I couldn't change the channel because it was upstairs where the communal telesets are. Stupid communal telesets! Oh well. I think I've lost some more weight but it's not certain as I was so heavy to begin with a large loss would be barely noticeable. There is a desktop widget on my Mac lappy which calculates your BMI (Body Mass Index). Certain percentages deem you obese, overweight, normal and underweight. The developers of this handy tool wanted to make it clear which category you belonged to so they animated a little doll who changes in body weight based on the final result of your calculation.

It's not pretty, folks.

When I put in my weight not only does the doll bloat to mystical proportions, but it STARTS TO FROWN AS WELL.

I'm dead serious.

This little darling cherub's face falls and it looks at me through puffy, fatty eyes seemingly saying "Why did you do this to me? I was so happy before..." If they added a crying feature it would make this delightful application complete, wouldn't you say?

GAWD.

At least I know where I stand (heh heh). In 40 pounds I will be in the "Normal" category and the happy little cherub will be happy once again!

Unless of course it wants a new outfit. That's crossing the damn line.

Bye!!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Berfday. Eh?

Hey!

My friend in B.C. sent me an early birthday present! It's so cool! She sent a delightful cookbook from her store and a box of Carebear (her nickname) chocolate hearts AND a birthday card she and her 4 year-old signed! Aww!

I was stoked. I ran straight home and took pictures to share with y'all.




Thank you Carebear! You're a peach! :-D