Ode to Starflucks

So this sleepy, sated afternoon at work I went down to "Popular Seattle-based Coffeehouse Chain" to get a large Americano and brought it back to my desk.

An Americano is espresso without milk.

I ordered the 20 ouncer.

20 ounces.

Pure espresso.

After consuming said drink, my headache disappeared (replaced with a light buzzing noise), my hearing improved ten-fold (THERE'S A MOSQUITO OUTSIDE ON THE ROOF AND IT JUST SNEEZED!) and my pen and keyboard tray turned itself into an instant drum set (tap tap tap TAP TAPT APTPAPAPAPATPPATPAPAAPAAPPP!!!)

I suddenly felt compelled to write a poem, right then and there (of course I did), to honor the purveyor of so much afternoon mirth and shakiness (actually it was more like "Oh my GOD I have to WRITE A POEM NOW. THIS is the BEST idea EVER WHEREMYPENAT??!!!")

So I bring to you, loyal blog readers, my 5-seconds-at-work-in-the-afternoon composed ode to that wonderful peddler of legalized liquacrack.
________________________
Starflucks by Me

Liquid crack
Gots my back
Better 'n smack
Yo yo yo

Where my peeps at?
_________________________

Stunning, no?

Would it make it worse if I said this is scribbled in serial killer handscrawling on the back of a notepad currently sitting on my desk for everyone to see?

Yeah. I thought so. Good thing the shredding bin is just around the corner.

Though I did get a TON of work done today...

CHAMPEEEEEN!!

I am so excited.

I just can't hide it.

I'm about to lose-okay that's stopping now.

Guess what? I prevented a potential undoing of all the exercise and sweat exerted this week.

You see...I work in an office tower connected to a tony shopping center. This shopping center has a BEN AND JERRY'S. During a brisk walk for my morning break a woman handed me a sheet of paper detailing all the flavors they offer BECAUSE TODAY WAS FREE ICE CREAM CONE DAY AT BEN AND JERRY'S.

YES.

ON TOP OF THAT, donations were being accepted on location for No More Homeless Pets in Utah. It was part of the ice cream deal. You didn't have to donate but in order to do so you had to walk right past the 'scream.

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKE DOGS!!

But I stood my ground, ladies and gents. I stuck to my goals. Challenge stared me straight in the face and I HAVE EMERGED TRIUMPHANT. If I hadn't used the elevator to get back upstairs it would have been perfect, but the stairwells there smell like pee. No dice.

AREN'T YOU PROUD OF ME?!

I don't even want any 'scream now.

Well...
...
...
...
...
...no. No I don't.

YYYAAAAAYY!! :D

SNIGGEDY SNOO!!

Helleaux,

Where did the word "Gams" come from to describe ones' legs? Is it closely related to "Ham?" Does anyone know? I'm too lazy to look it up. Tell me if you know.

Anyhow, I've decided to put my two years of Spanish to use (FINALLY). The other day at work someone from customer service came in and asked if anyone spoke Spanish because someone called who needed help. I said nothing. I always say nothing. I just sit there wishing I could be more brave.

Well NO MORE.

I have a Spanish-English dictionary and two years of college-level Spanish under my belt. My mom is fluent. I can speak it. This is ridiculous and it's time to be brave and DO IT.

¡YA TENGO EL PODER!

I'll let you know what happens. ;-)

Diskeau

Hi.

Should I be concerned that not only the local pop radio station has been playing disco all day, but that I know almost every song's lyrics?

Just asking.

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE WHO CELEBRATES IT!!

Mo' Pickchas

Here be summo'.

Picture Book

Hi!

I don't have a lot of time but here are some pictures I took whilst on my lunch break and after work. The grey monstrosity is what I see from my window (no, I can't fly, I took the picture from the balcony next door). The "Look" painting is on every crosswalk in town and the street sign and freeway are what I see when going home.

Enjoy!

So very sad.

It's Saturday night and not only am I home alone, but I just mopped the bathroom floor and am asphyxiating as we speak.

I just mopped the bathroom floor.

On a Saturday night. DID I MENTION I AM HAPPY WITH ALL OF THIS??

I'm delirious from the fumes. Can't you tell?



Gaaaaaaatoraaaaaaaaade...uuuuhhhhh...

SPRING/PRIMAVERA/PRINTEMPS

Hey guess what?

IT'S SPRING!!

Don't touch my oatmeal.

HELLOOO!!!

It's been a busy week! Things are settling down and I have some time so let me give you an update!

MONDAY

An accident caused a traffic reroute/jam of GLOBAL proportions resulting in my being 30 minutes late on MY FIRST DAY. Everyone was very understanding and nice to me when I finally arrived which is a good sign. H.R. held an orientation and I proceeded to get lost in the mazework of hallways and breezeways and whatnot in the building. I met a cool lady from Montana, a cool guy from New York and a cool guy from here at the orientation.

TUESDAY

I learned more about the computer systems and office workflow stuffity stuff. My supervisor explained the training schedule and showed me more of what I'll be doing. Montana, Cool Local Guy, New York and I all had lunch, then we walked next door to Union Station and gazed upon the lovely tiled murals from the 1800's in the main hall so large and echoey you could hear a cockroach hiccup.

WEDNESDAY

My supervisor showed me more of my duties and various people sat with me at my desk to help. It was nice. Montana, Cool Local Guy and I had lunch. I bought a turkey and provolone sandwich from a local coffeehouse with the most moist, rich, thick whole wheat bread I've ever had on it. Mmm. We went for a walk and looked at the city from the roof of the building. It was SWEET.

THURSDAY

Not much happened this day. Pretty much the same things as other days. I worked on some stuff ALL BY MYSELF, had lunch with the same people, and learned more about my job. Oh...and it snowed. IT SNOWED. SNOW. IN APRIL. But other than that it was a normal day.

FRIDAY

The snow melted and it was in the high 50's again. Bizarre, no? I went to my first staff meeting and had no idea what anyone was talking about. They reassured me I would know soon enough. Maybe I shouldn't want to know. Heh. Lunch was a scrumptious tuna sammich with the same lurvely peeps and the weather was goregeous. Did I mention there's a HUGE window behind my wall with a view to kill for? Yeah. It's cool.

THAT'S IT!

I don't have time to post as much now because not only has my commute tripled in time, but I'm still working out and have little time to do more than drive home, inhale food, work out and sleep. I will post when I can! Thank you for being so very understanding!

I gotta do laundry...shit.

Bye!

Whaddahahhha?

This day has been shot to hell.

I woke up this morning and dinked around on the computer. I always dink around on the damn computer. I had some breakfast, watched t.v., talked to my mom on the phone, watched more t.v., ate something else I think, fell asleep around FOUR and woke up around NINE.

I have accomplished abso-friggin-lutely nothing today. Nothing. I didn't do laundry or even VACUUM!!

Rest and relaxation are always nice, but I hate days like this. It feels like a ripoff. Plus I was supposed to work out today. That didn't happen either. Now I'm sitting here listening to Scritti Politti on iTunes typing this. At least SOMETHING will get done today.

Many things are up in the air and changing in my life right now so that may be why my schedule and motivation have gone all screwflucky. Yeah. That's it. Once things settle and get more organized life will hum along like a (shaky and broken) well-oiled machine. My new supervisor called me yesterday while I was at my (now former) job. He wanted to welcome me and asked if I had any questions. I said no but of course a million popped in my head after we hung up. I hate awkward beginnings. He sounded extremely nice so I'm excited that he-

OMG!! I START MY NEW JOB ON MONDAY!! AAAAAHHH!!

Random Pics

Here are some random pictures of my last day! I took them with my webcam so that's why they're all screwy-backwards. Enjoy!

Myoozique

Ganked from Aprille Clarke. Thanks!

Put your MP3 player on shuffle and use the songs that come up to answer these questions:

How does the world see me? "King of Wishful Thinking" Go West
(Oh dear Lord.)

Will I have a happy life? "Together Again" Janet Jackson
(That's...odd?)

What do my friends think of me? "Doctor Worm" They Might Be Giants
(HAHAHA! YEAH!!)

Do people secretly lust after me? "Borderline" Madonna
(Um...whose love is pushing ME over the borderline??)

How can I make myself happy? "I'm Alive" Electric Light Orchestra
(That's right! Staying alive! Of course!! Well, either that or dress up in spandex and roller skate through Santa Monica.)

What should I do with my life? "The Way That You Love Me" Paula Abdul
(Okay this makes absolutely no f*@!$%g sense).

Will I ever have children? "Giving you the Benefit" Pebbles
(Since this is about a broken relationship I'm going to say no.)

What is some good advice for me? "Las Vegas" Jerry Herman
(Uhm...I need to live on the wild side? I thought I was...)

How will I be remembered? "Almost" Sarah Harmer
(Oh God! I don't like that at all!! Great song though.)

What is my signature dancing song? "The Sticky" Black Eyed Peas
(Well...I thought of making a music video to it once but got distracted.)

What is my current theme song? "Perfect Way" Scritti Politti
(Hm.)

What song will play at my funeral? "Brazil" Ray Conniff
(HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAA-
breathe
-HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!)

What type of men/women do you like? "Never Nu How Good U Had It" Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
(Jerks? Oh super.)

What is your day going to be like? "Never Let You Go" Third Eye Blind
(This is ironic because I'm leaving a job/boss I really like.)

It's fun! Try it!

Popcorn

I want popcorn.

I don't want popcorn...I really want to go home.

If somebody offered me a piece of cake I would totally eat it even though I shouldn't.

Why do babies gack all over you?

My shoulder hurts. I think I slept on it wrong.

It's hot in here.

I want to leave.

Where is my commuter mug?

CONFIT!

Wow. I just came from one of the best dinners I've ever had.

God I'm so fat.

My (incredibly thin) friend Rebecca and I went to The Paris Market and had an incredible feast. Spending time with her is always a complete joy so we could have been at McDonald's and we'd have a blast - but the food was good too, in any case.

We had delectable escargot laden with butter, olive oil and garlic served with crusty artisan bread to start. Then I had a moist duck confit with sauteed lentils, carrots and beets. She had butternut squash soup (she had already eaten prior...I was the hungry one) and we finished with a crisp pear and almond tart sprinkled with powdered sugar and fresh berries. The food was paired with a delicious Les Deux Rives Corbiéres.

So.

Full.

Right.

Now.

I wish I could afford to do this every day. :-D

Closing up shop...

My new job starts next week. I'm closing up shop here after 2.5 years and it is MESSY!!

More to come.

Nothing.

Hi.

I have nothing to say.

I wanted you to know this because I really like it when you visit, but there just isn't anything to say at the moment. Everything is pretty much the same. I'm leaving my job in a week and a half, starting a new one after that, and I just had a mug of tea.

It was Oolong. That's a funny word. Oolong. Heh.

The remaining side of my Chicken Fajita omelet from Sunday was also consumed. I broke it into two meals to justify the price ($14). It was good wrapped in a pita bread. Yum.

My cousin's birthday present is still in the car and not at the Post Office on it's way to California. Her birthday was March 4th. D'oh.

The Simpson's DVD Hollywood Video provided free of charge after they frucked up my rentals awhile back has been returned safely to avoid late fees on a free rental.

My ear hurts.

It's snowing. (WTF??!!)

Hobo spiders scare me.

That is all.

Un jour typique.

I was driving around town on my lunch today eating an entire loaf of garlic bread and looked down at the floor on the passenger side. In a plastic bag was a plumbing snake borrowed from my parent's friends John and Karen during a plumbing...mishap...last winter at my place (another story for another time). They were supposed to get it from me last weekend at dinner but had to run home for theatre tickets so it didn't happen. The damn thing has been in my car since December. "I (munchmunch) should have given it to them (munch) when there was (gulp) a chance..." thought I whilst stuffing my face.

While I was stopping for a red light, the loaf of garlic bread slid off the seat and plopped buttered-side up on the floor. Because the bag was there, it fell on a (relatively) clean, non-porous, plastic surface as opposed to the (gut-wrenchingly filthy) car floor. Guess what?? If they had gotten the snake from me last weekend, the garlic bread would have been RUINED. HAH!! Three cheers for laziness!! I must also mention my belongings from housesitting were in the backseat and I drove right past my apartment TWICE without stopping to put them awayAND IT WAS AWESOME.

Not wanting to revel too long in the moment at that point, I finished the bread and drove over to city hall (where Karen works) to drop off Le Snake. City hall is BEAUTIFUL. It was a W.P.A. project built during the depression and it has been restored magnificently. It was the first time I had ever been inside the building, and decided that was a good thing (the jail is at city hall).

Karen was happy, and a little surprised, to receive the snake and we had a good chat. I've never seen her office either. It was very nice. We said goodbye, made tentative plans to go to Wendover some time, and I went back up to the university.

What did you do this afternoon?

STUFF!!

HI!

Many things are abound!! I have to fill you in quickly...

I've been interviewing with the state and I have a new job there starting April 3rd with incredible benefits and a tuition discount. (YAY!)

I've been housesitting for the Dean again and have been busy with her adorable puppy (YAY!)

It's Spring Break and it feels so good. (YAY!)

I'm tired. (BOO!)

More to COME LATER!!

Dream a dreamy dream.

So last night I had a dream. Robert Ballard (the guy who found the Titanic), his crew and I all went in search for the Titanic. Apparently he hadn't found it yet in this dream. Also he didn't appear to have his submarine either because we were in a helicopter. We all were staring at the ocean looking for a dark shadow which could lead us to the ship. Most of the dream was spent watching aquamarine water zip by the door to the helicopter (which was wide open a la James Bond). Suddenly I saw a piece of metal poking through the water and started to yell "LOOK! There it is! It's right there where that metal is!!"

That's when I woke up and realized I had been yelling that out loud.

I wonder if that was really the Titanic or if it was another ship?

My neighbors probably hate me now.

What did I do that for??

I came home this afternoon and had some lunch. There was a bottle of wine in the fridge so I thought it would be nice with lunch.

Within an hour I had drunk the entire bottle of wine. I was so wasted (on just one bottle) that I went to bed. It's 9:35 p.m. now and I have a massive headache.

WHY DO I DO THESE THINGS??

At least the wine is gone now. I won't be drinking anything alcoholic for awhile...gah.