MeeKrab

Hey hey hey!

I got back from housesitting yesterday (which went very well, thank you) and went grocery shopping for the week. Going through the list, everything made perfect sense (Cucumbers, pickles, lettuce, bread) until I came to the following items scrawled in "Ransom Note" handwriting:

JCrab
Hee
Hippo



What made it even worse was the fact my list was written on one of those "Have you seen me?" adverts you get in the mail (conservin' paper, yo). I kept trying to think of what it might stand for but every time I got to "Hippo" all I could think of was that Brak episode where he has a stuffed lobster with the same name. Remember that episode? It's so funny. He gets a talk show called "Show us your garbage" with a creepy theme song and everything!

Heh. Brak is weird.

Well, trying to look over the list just resulted in my singing the song in that nasal, squeaky-helium voice from the show giggling to myself as passing soccer moms grabbed their kids with that "Don't stare at the crazy man" look.

I left the store sans JCrab (J-Crab, you bein' up inna club dawg??), Hee (Heeheeheeee!) and Hippo ("Show us your garbage, show us your trash, show us your garbage and we'll make you laugh...Hippo...Hippo he's a helluva guy..."). I still don't know what I was supposed to get but it'll have to wait for now. Besides, I have PLENTY of Hippo and JCrab. I bought some last week.

Bye!

Hippo...Hippo he's a helluva guy...

Hallo.

Um. Yeah.

I don't have anything interesting to say. It's snowing like a StarBUCKer and I'm worried about driving home. I'm housesitting again and it's much farther (10 miles) than where I live normally (2 blocks away). The roads will be plowed and everything so I'm sure it will be fine. My car has new tires too so that makes it even better. It didn't seem that bad coming into work and it's usually at it's worst in the morning.

I just really wanted to go to the gym tonight but that may not happen which is somewhat okay as the house I'm sitting has exercise equipment. Well, a treadmill at least.

Damn! I want to go to the gym! Grr.

Oh well. It's okay. I'll just run on the treadmill and search the house for heavy things I can lift. The dog I'm watching and I could also run up and down the really big staircase too! YEAH! That's the ticket!!

No I don't have a problem. Stop it.

Let me see if there's an interesting picture I can post (HAAH!)

Here we go. I call it "Oooh! That's a great idea!"

Shaire-Stee Krawh-Fürhde (inside joke, y'all)

HEY THERE!

So yesterday I went to Starbucks. The drive-thru had 3 cars already lined up so I went inside. While waiting for my Passion Lemonade Tea and Caramel Macchiato (for my boss), I overhead the (disconcertingly chipper) drive-thru attendant guy. He was probably in his early 30's, blonde, tall and slim with a green apron and Starbucks hat to match. When another car came up to the winder, he would turn on his mic and twirp "HEY THERE! Welcome to Starbucks! What can WE do for you today??"

It was funny.

Well, some people came up to the window and he recited their order exactly as they had given it. They commented on his memory skillzzz (sic)(emphasis mine)(bacon cheeseburger), and he replied with the comment:

"Thanks! I've got the nose of an elephant and the memory to match!"

Um...what? He looked like your average white guy (as I stated before in the description noted in section A, subsection 43-Crayon 971 iii viii) and his nose was not a noticeable characteristic. I could understand if it was even a little bit big, but it was completely in scale with his face!

Now, the typical mental response to a comment like that would be something like "Oh, he's teasing himself in a self-depricating manner to make everyone feel comfortable." That is fine and good but this guy had a normal nose. Seriously. Due to this, I am lead to conclude that the Starbucks Barista in question was either:

A. Crazy
B. Crazy
or
C. Weird

Of course, there is the additional possibility that he simply loves his job and uses humor through the day, no matter how inane, because he is satisfied with his life and the world around him, but thinking that would just be downright nutty.

Option 5: Downright Nutty (me)

So that was my trip to Starbucks. I have another name for it as a play-on-words kinda thang (g-dawg foo gansta hizzy!), but I will not type that on this site. This is a family site!!

Oh...okay. I'll give you a hint.

What word rhymes with "Bucks" but involves something a little more...intimate? Yeah. Now combine that with "Star" for wordplay FUNTIME!!

Wordplay? Kinky.

I have to go. My Hootie and The Blowfish album is done ripping to mah hard drive. I like to call them "Blowtie and The Hootfish" but that's just me (I told you I like to have fun with words).

Oh yeah. Here's my arm.



Bye!

Limburger and Liver Lumps

Hey there! How ya doin'?

Vernacular.

For some reason, I have "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by The Scorpions stuck in my head. I didn't hear it today or any day recently so it makes no sense why it won't go away. I did have a slight debate with a friend about the lyrics however. He insisted the chorus was "Raunchy like a hurricane" and I insisted it was "Rock you like a hurricane." Turns out we're both right and wrong. It's both. I just saw he was on Skype today so that might be why Les Scorpions won't git outta mah heed.

Anyway...wanna see my new shirt? It was only $2.50 at THE MOTHER OF ALL SALES yesterday! Wahoo! Score!!



It really was a cool sale. I don't usually like going there but COME ON!! A $2.50 SHIRT??!! Seriously!! It was awesome. I must remember this for next year as I tend to purchase clothing about .5 times per year...generally during a holiday clearance sale, being the big spender that I am.

Speaking of clothing, I noticed the other day now my shoe soles wear in a funny way. The back right sole is worn while the back left is intact. I've heard that much of it has to do with your posture and how you stand. To see what the dilly be (my former English professors can kiss my ass), I just stood normal, relaxed and took a picture. This is what I saw:



Of course! This would explain everything! No wonder my ankles hurt all the time! No wonder I flitter off the treadmill head over heels like a ragdoll every time it goes above 3 mph! No wonder!! What an epiphany!

I'm totally kidding. Though my ankles did hurt after snapping the picture (and some cartilage, I imagine). See the lengths to which I will travel for you, dear readers? See?!

Actually this is the REAL deal:



Do you think my right foot is crooked? This was in the most comfortable position I could get in, so I think it's a pretty accurate depiction of my stance. So, do you think it's crooked? It would explain a lot...

Now I have to go ice my ankles. I will check in with you tomorrow. Tah.


"Rock you like a huuuuricaaaane..."

Hollahween

Wazzah.

So I did all the cleaning I could stomach, went to the gym with my friend, took a long hot shower during which I discovered that if you leave the window open in winter it makes the 'throom a steam room (oooh!) and had some turkey chili. Aaah. I feel better.

I was just listening to my Halloween 2005 Mix that includes (but is not limited to) "This is Halloween" from A Nightmare Before Christmas, "Carol Ann's Theme" from Poltergeist, and "Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Of course that song fits you silly! It's Alabama for the love of bacon! Plus, have you ever seen a picture of Lynyrd Skynyrd? Hibble jibblie!

Think about it.

My friend (who exercised with me) wants to go to Old Navy because I guess they're having the mother of all sales today. This is no "Next of Kin Clearance" or "Sibling Extravaganza," oh no, this is "THE MOTHER OF ALL SALES" and very worthy of our attention. I guess. So that is where I'm off to.

You said you wanted an update. You didn't say it had to be compelling.

Oh...by the way...the garbage made it safely out to the garbage dumpstosal with minor difficulties (I slipped on the ice but caught myself so it's all good). Have a great Saturday and I'll post more exciting news later!

I should be cleaning.

Hey.

This week was very structured and progressive until about Thursday morning. I overslept and missed my workout and it all went to hell from there. Work was unusually busy and hectic, it felt like I was running in 3 different directions all day, then I went to the (crowded) gym after work which threw me off further. I used all the machines I needed, but one of them had to be used after my cardio portion because it was VERY occupied (3 people waiting). Then Friday morning I overslept AGAIN, had the same hectic workday (which is actually better than a boring one now that I think about it), and my friend reminded me I hadn't updated this thing and needed to.

I really hate it when people say that.

Luckily he was joking, but he was right. I haven't updated in awhile because my whole schedule is wonky! I woke up about an hour ago today and I should be cleaning and starting laundry before heading to the gym but I'M HERE WRITING THIS THING. So...here is a nice pic I snapped a few minutes ago which encapsulates my feelings at the moment. I was just about to take out the garbage.



GAH!! BYE!! STUFF TO DO!! ;-)

Bendover, Nevada

Happy Tuesday!!

So yesterday I went to Wendover, NV to poke around and have lunch and stuff. I stopped by the Great Salt Lake on the way there. I couldn't take pictures inside the casinos but what I have is an accurate portrayal of the fun stuff.

Yeah!












More to come...

Whahhdah?

Hey there!

I know, it's been awhile. I've been *really* enjoying this weekend. Following a 15 year on and off tradition, I went to the car show with my dad on Saturday, where I discovered my next car (or: "One of the million I WANT RIGHT NOW). It's the Volvo S40 and before you sneeze at the fact it's a high-priced Volvo, let me inform you this car starts out at $24,000! In a few years I could buy a lease return for pennies I tell you! PENNIES!!

It's very chic and designed sportily with a gripping seat and powerful driving position. The model I saw had a manual which is my personal preference. It was sweeeeet.

Here are pictures of it, as well as another car I liked, the Ford Fusion ($26,000 fully loaded). My camera crapped out after that so I don't have anymore. Oh well. It was a blast anyhoo. :-D

GAAAAHHH!!!

Bonjour,

So I was sitting here staring at my blog and I noticed it's been 3 days since my last update! Holy poop!! Let me fill you in on all the crap in no particular order because I don't have the energy to organize it.

My full-time position started this week and I get to use the conference room until they find me a permanent place. This means I have a "desk" the size of 6 refrigerators lying down and a 10 foot window with a sweeping view of the entire valley and snow-capped mountain range. Life is so hard.

I haven't done my dishes in two days.

I haven't made my bed in two days.

I found the 98.5 FM widget on Mac (Montréal Francophone Talk Radio) which is fun to listen to.

I tripped on the baseboard at work and thunked into the wall so hard it slanted the professionally framed Chinese painting in the conference room my boss brought back from Shanghai. Thank GOD she wasn't there. Please don't tell her.

That's all I can think of for now. Here I am at work.

Mon chapeau nouvelle.

I likes mah new hat. Oui.

Clubs

Hellooooooo!!

I went to my parent's house today to help them clear out a room. My plumbing had a...mishap...awhile back and my helping them was compensation for their footing of the bill. It was supposed to be last weekend but my dad had a fever so we postponed until today. Everything went very smoothly and pretty fast, very fast in fact, and it was over before it started. I took things to goodwill and moved them around, and my parents sorted them out.

Well, one of the things we were giving away was a set of golf clubs. These were pretty nice clubs, I forget the brand, which my dad bought about 10 years ago from a pro shop nearby. He knows the owner and gets great deals there. Well, awhile back he wanted a new set. Rather than donate his (relatively new at the time) clubs, he decided to give them to me. My mom found a bag for them and they sat in my room for months. I used them a grand total of one time in about two years and plopped them in my parent's basement where they stayed until now. When we were going through everything my dad said "Well, I guess these have got to go too." He sounded less than thrilled about it.

[BACKGROUND INFO]

My dad always wanted me to be a golfer. He put me in Golf Camp when I was little and took me (more like "dragged") to the driving range and courses for play. Being a hyperactive little shit, I was not too keen on golf. It involved extreme concentration, had a slow pace and walking! Oh the WALKING!!

Eventually he realized I would never be a golfer and gave it up. I know it dissapointed him but things just weren't in the right places for it to work. Concentration was very difficult for me and our relationship was not on the best footing it could have been at the time. After awhile, the clubs sat in the basement and we never talked about golfing again. Our relationship is far better than it ever was at this point and we spend time together now, but golf is pretty much moot.

[BACK TO STORY]

When I saw his reaction to ridding the house of "The Clubs," I felt sorry. I know it's not my fault, it wasn't a good fit, blahblahblah, but it still felt sad. Not like failure, but rather more like missed opportunity.

I picked up the golf bag and took it out to the car. We were using my mom's car to drop everything off because it had more room. My gaze kept wandering to the clubs as I put other things in the car. I picked up the bag and something happened. Something weird. I took those clubs, which I had deserted so many years back, and PUT THEM IN MY CAR.

Have you ever looked back on your life and wished you had tried to grasp something (a hobby, a subject, etc) that you couldn't/wouldn't then but feel like you have the ability to do so now but it's too late?

It was one of those moments.

I don't golf. I haven't wanted to. I probably will end up donating them later but what if I don't? What if I (gasp!) went to the driving range one last time just to see how it felt? Who knows?

Now that they're in my trunk a little, guilty voice is asking me why I would be so selfish especially if I won't use them. I can't say with 100% certainty that I won't, but if I don't they will eventually be donated. Maybe. When I get around to it.

I just couldn't let go.

Whut?

Stuff has been happening!

1. I really like my job.
2. My job really likes me (apparently).
3. I needed more $$$.
4. My job has bumped me up to full-time to provide said $$$.
5. I got a hug from my boss and did the happy dance.

ISN'T THAT AWESOME! WOO!! :-D

A Few Times...

So here we are. 2006. My day has been pretty good for the new year. I woke up earlier than I thought I would, exercised, had some Corn Pops, and now am about the get in tha showah and afterwards do laundry.

Low key? Yes, but you have to take the new year one step at a time.

I *think* I've lost weight. I'm not entirely sure but it appears so. Yesterday I was at Sears Grand (first time there...HUGE store) and my pants kept sliding off my body like skin off an old plum. Heh.

That's a good thing, right?

My belt was at home. It was funny too because I was wandering around the nearly empty store thinking either A) The store was closed and the doors had been left open for a delivery, or B) Business was really that bad. With time the giant "NEW YEAR'S DAY REDUCED HOURS" sign on the front doors (several of them) clued me in. It was New Year's Day and most people were home or doing something more fun than wandering around Sears Grand hiking up their floppy-ass pants.

Don't you love it when you look like a nerd in public?

Well, you all have a great day and don't have too much fun...we have to work tomorrow!!