House of the Chubby Butterfly

Happiness is a clean bedroom.

2010-06-10T23:06:00.001-06:00

Happiness is a clean bedroom.
Originally uploaded by reseda76

You know, it really is. I just scoured the hell out of it today and have to say, I am damn excited to go to bed tonight.

In fact, that's where I'm headed right now.

Night night. :)

Happy Sunday!

2010-05-16T18:14:00.005-06:00

Hello!

Today the weather was just gorgeous. So gorgeous, in fact, that I sat for a good 25 minutes staring out the sliding glass door drinking tea this morning. I sat there long enough to take a picture:

Fantastic!

After tea and picture, I rode my bike (shown in the picture) to the market nearby with Becka for some produce and other various and sundry. It was awesome! Cars aren't scaring me nearly as much as they did a week ago, and crossing busy streets is becoming easier too - plus there are bike lanes everywhere. Hooray! Biking errands are the best!

Returning home, it was still beautiful outside and I still wanted to be out in the good weather. So, I decided to ride the MAX (Metropolitan Area Express) downtown. There is a stop right at my complex and it's only about a 20 minute ride.

GUESS WHAT THAT MEANS?

Yes. Another slideshow. You guessed it.

COME EXPERIENCE THE JOURNEY WITH ME from my apartment to the mall (Pioneer Place Mall, to be exact) downtown through a PHOTOGRAPHIC JOURNAL.

You're stoked now, aren't you? You know you are. Stuff written in caps always makes it more enticing.

WITNESS THE MAJESTY!

HAPPY BACON DAY!

2010-05-15T17:16:00.006-06:00

Bacon Day Spread.
Originally uploaded by reseda76

What? You've never heard of Bacon Day? Well, let me tell you all about it.

In 1999, my sister found a pig-shaped cookie cutter at the thrift store. We thought it was hilarious, because when would you want to give someone a cookie shaped like a pig? Really? The only way we figured you could give someone that and not have it come across as positively insulting ("Here...I made you a cookie...it's shaped LIKE A PIG.") is if you had a holiday to justify it's odd existence. The lone cookie cutter definitely needed one of those.

Soon after, my sister and I were watching The Simpsons, and Marge surprised Homer for their anniversary - which he had forgotten about. He started running through possible reasons for her unexpected gift in his mind and came up with "Bacon Day". Luckily for him, he realized that was "crazy talk" and she couldn't possibly be surprising him for Bacon Day.

At that moment, watching The Simpsons, right after Homer said those two magical words, we looked at each other and knew what we had to do. Bacon Day was created. The cookie cutter was named "Porky Pigfat" and became the mascot of our new holiday. His likeness has graced many a Bacon Day banner, and there is even a board game created to honor him.

(Really. We drew up a board and everything.)

Every May 15th (or closest Saturday), we have celebrated the World of Pork. Even though my sister and I live in different states, we have made sure to keep the holiday alive.

Each dish must feature some sort of pork or pork-like product in it, and there are a few traditional favorites - much like a Thanksgiving turkey or Christmas ham (but far, far less widespread or significant). Velveeta shells and cheese with hot dogs, for example, should grace one's table at Bacon Day lunch. Another holiday favorite is pizza topped with Canadian Bacon, and even just a plate of the namesake meat itself. Buying different kinds of bacon and trying them all is another way to enjoy the day. In the early years, we would make sugar cookies WITH THE VERY COOKIE CUTTER ITSELF and have decorating contests. If you can actually find a pig-shaped cookie cutter, I would do that too!

There is a Wikipedia entry stating that a group of Colorado grad students came up with a holiday of the same name in 2004 BUT I ASSURE YOU THAT IS NOT THE BACON DAY I CHOOSE TO OBSERVE and our Bacon Day was conceived five years prior to that one. Plus we have Porky.

So there.

Anyhow, Happy Bacon Day to you and yours, and I hope you had a great day of porcine indulgence!

Hooray!

P.S. If you click on the photo, you can see notes identifying each item on the table.

P.P.S. I am having a bacon coma now.

Hello Spring!

2010-05-08T21:31:00.002-06:00

New bike times!
Originally uploaded by reseda76

I am going to celebrate you with a new bicycle!

When I moved here, Becka and I started talking about how fabulous it would be to have bicycles, as we are in Biking Capital, U.S.A. Many times we would chat about how lovely it would be to get bikes, ride around, and frolic. Who wouldn't want to do that? Who wouldn't want to frolic?

Well, two days ago, we started looking at them in stores. She could sense my discomfort with purchasing something relatively large, but was persistent with statements like "Bikes are good! You will have so much fun!" and so forth. I'm glad she was. For those of you who don't know, spending more than $20 on anything at all...ANYTHING...holds the risk of breaking me down into a sobby pile of weeping mush. I once bought a $45 DVD set, went home, panicked, started to cry, then rushed back to return it without even opening the package (true story - unfortunately). Perhaps this comes from my days as a "starving student", perhaps it's a reaction to being out here on my own without parental support, or perhaps I am a little crazy. Who knows? Maybe all of the above.

Probably all of the above.

In any case, she gently persuaded me to TAKE the LEAP and BUY A BICYCLE today. She even bought one too! We brought them home today and just got done riding around the neighborhood a little bit and it was SO AWESOME! We were GIDDY! GIDDY and EXCITED like LITTLE CHILDREN!!

Wow. So glad I didn't listen to the voices in my head telling me not to buy it. Do you know why? Because tomorrow it's supposed to be sunny. Riding a bicycle is in order.

WAHOO!

Window candle times (with laptop).

2010-05-03T22:00:00.001-06:00

Window candle times (with laptop).
Originally uploaded by reseda76

Happiness is placing some tealights on your windowsill and turning off all the lights...but leaving the laptop on by accident.

Aaahhhhh. Relaxing. :)

City Musings.

2010-04-17T23:30:00.002-06:00

HPIM2645
Originally uploaded by reseda76

I have always wanted to live in a city. As a child, I was raised in the suburbs, which definitely has its benefits, but it was never quite as urban as I wanted it to be. Sure, there were plenty of places to go play, run, scream, imagine, be silly, etc., but it always felt like there was more out there I wasn't experiencing - more sights, sounds, noises and interesting people - and hoped some day to have that life.

In college, I lived in a small city near the downtown area. Though school responsibilities had to take priority over exploration, I still went out and wandered as much as possible (resulting, of course, in leaving school without a degree). Simply going into the central business district and walking around on the street was enough to entertain me for hours. I am addicted.

Now, I live in a much larger city and an extremely beautiful one at that. However, pine tree-covered hills separate me from downtown. Granted, it is only a short drive or train ride away (20-25 mins), the train stops at my complex, and the trees are quite pleasant to gaze upon, but it's not DOWNTOWN. Traffic does not float by my window at night. People aren't outside my front door at shops and cafes, chatting away. Though there are two supermarkets nearby, I have to take my car (or risk getting run over crossing the busy highway).

Honestly, I love this place. My roommate and I got an incredible deal, are still very close to downtown, have our own washer and dryer, huge closets, cathedral ceilings, great shopping nearby (with a car), yadda yadda. I KNOW it's a good deal and I KNOW it's definitely a great place to live - and love it here. But there's a little voice in the back of my head saying "Are you downtown? Where is the traffic noise? You're not getting any younger..." That childhood dream of walking to the corner store to pick up a few things for dinner, then taking an elevator to my home in a tower fades a little bit each passing year.

Damnit, I am not giving up. Some day, even if I'm 800 years old, I will live in a freaking tower and take a freaking elevator to get to my house. It just can't be that hard.

Just wait and see. I'll do it. Then you can come over. But please stop at the corner store first.

I'm out of Fresca.

Columbia Renaissance Trail.

2010-04-17T10:02:00.002-06:00

Oh yeah.
Originally uploaded by reseda76

This is a photo from the beach along the Columbia Renaissance Trail. It has become one of my most favorite places to go in Portland. Well, technically it's in Vancouver, but it's right across the river and I can see Portland so there you go.

It's nice! There are restaurants and condos and stuff behind me. Also, from time to time, boats and cargo ships go by, making it feel all "harbory" with the horns and salty sea air with seagulls and such and THAT, my friends, is probably one of my most favorite things ever.

Best place!

There was a free book in my Cheerios!

2010-04-16T11:28:00.001-06:00

There was a free book in my Cheerios!
Originally uploaded by reseda76

So, apparently if you buy Cheerios, you get a free book.

A FREE BOOK.

Two questions:

1. This is extremely badass. Why haven't I noticed it before?

2. A FREE BOOK!!!

How about some pictures?

2010-03-06T17:38:00.002-07:00

I've been taking a ton of pictures. Why not share those too?

This is Reed College. Everybody say hello. Reed College is a very beautiful place and it's also in Portland, which means I can take pictures of it. The pictures, which were taken less than 4 hours ago, are displayed below.

Groovy.

Wow.

2010-03-03T21:27:00.001-07:00

I have tried to write three different stories on here and they've all come to a dead end. Guess I'm just not feeling it right now. How frustrating.

Tomorrow's another day...

"Well, what are you going to do?"

2010-02-09T17:48:00.003-07:00

He paused.

"What do you mean? Why should I do anything?"

The fact it was obvious didn't phase him. He knew what he needed to do, but was tired of thinking about it. He was tired of thinking about it and tired of worrying about it until he couldn't sleep anymore. It wasn't even his problem.

"The only reason we're even talking about it is because you brought it up. This has been off my radar. I don't think about it anymore. I can't."

"I wish you wouldn't say that." she leaned back toward the wall, away from him. It wasn't going to be easy this time. Usually it was as simple as asking. She reflected on that a moment to plan her next move. How could she convince him? She really needed this.

"Why not? You wish I wouldn't say what is honestly on my mind? I thought that's what you wanted." his eyes narrowed. "It's getting harder and harder for me to figure out what it is you want." He stood up from the sofa and started pacing behind her. Her actions no longer made sense to him.

"It's hard for me to talk to you like that. Please come back to the sofa."

That was her way of gaining control. He hated it.

"Whatever you need to say, you can say now right where I am."

She wasn't going to get that control from him. She wanted it so badly but was too afraid to say it. In her imagination she had so much more strength. In her imagination, she was holding him by the sides and yelling directly into his face, outlining every little thing he was doing wrong and taped his mouth shut so he couldn't interrupt or squirm away. In reality, that would never happen. That would never happen and it made her sick inside. That sickness was followed by intense guilt.

"I...have to go..." she rose from the sofa. The room was spinning.

"You always have to go when it gets hard." he wasn't going to let it slide this time. "You always have to go when it gets hard and I might think something that you don't have the energy to argue with."

He was right. She knew he was, too. He knew there was no way to block her from leaving. She would do something unpredictable if he tried to stop her. It happened before. All he could do was try to summarize the whole issue before she was out the door, like he did every other time. Maybe this time it would sink in.

"You think I am irrational. I am not irrational. There is nothing to prove that I am. Even if I was irrational, there is no room for you to talk. Maybe you don't agree with the way I handled it, but I handled it and since you weren't there, you don't have the right to argue with me. It's done. You didn't have to deal with it. You should have, but you didn't. I did it for you. You're welcome."

"Go to hell." she waited for the door to partially close before saying it. He wouldn't be able to get it open before she was downstairs.

Later that night, she called him. They talked until morning. Nothing was resolved at that point, but they both expected that. The talk was more of a formality. She came by a few days later and picked up her things. She wouldn't be coming back.

It was for the best. They both knew it.

NEWS UPDATE...

2009-08-03T19:34:00.003-06:00

Hi hello.

MY SISTER IS ON HER WAY HERE WITH HER HUSBAND AND THEY ARE JUST OUTSIDE PORTLAND.

I will keep you posted on any and all shenanigans that may conspire during their visit.

Their visit WHICH STARTS IN ROUGHLY 45 MINUTES.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Well, I guess it didn't work.

2009-07-29T21:55:00.000-06:00

The Tea Box

2009-07-27T21:33:00.002-06:00

Don't make fun of me.

About 9 months ago, my aunt sent me a housewarming care package. In it was a box of Trader Joe's Irish Breakfast tea and some great towels with palm trees on them - plus a matching trash can. Thanks, Auntie!

The tea was nice to drink through the winter, and it was also a pleasure to have iced in the summer. I took the box of tea to work with me when I was hired at my current employer, and it has sat on the shelf above my computer there ever since. Each morning I grab a bag and make some hot tea in my water bottle, then add cool water to make it "iced". Since I don't like to drink much coffee, it's a nice alternative and I still get some caffeine. I love it.

Today, I used the last of the tea. After putting the bag in my water bottle, I picked up the box and took one last look at it before throwing it out.

I really shouldn't have taken that look.

Suddenly, the tea box transformed itself into an old friend. All the memories of moving into the new place, getting used to being in a new place and all the good and bad that comes with it while drinking the tea came roaring back into my head. This was NOT just a STUPID TEA BOX, this was a FIXTURE from my EARLY DAYS HERE and right then, in front of the garbage can, it felt like I was losing a piece of my very heart and soul! WHY WOULD I DO THAT?!

(Ahem...I realize it's just a stupid tea box.)

After casually tossing it in the garbage like it didn't bother me (oh but it did), I glanced around to see if anyone was looking and took it out of the trash. It's back on my desk. Empty. There is even a corner that came unglued. It's not a useful box anymore, but there it is.

Maybe it's because I'm still adjusting to living somewhere new and still feel a little vulnerable. Maybe it's because my aunt gave me the tea and I miss my family, or maybe it's because I am batshit circus crazy and need to be in a straitjacket. I JUST DON'T KNOW.

But it's not leaving my line of vision. Not yet.

It's just too soon.

So it begins...

2009-07-24T21:30:00.004-06:00

Today is July 24th. It is also the 12 month anniversary of my setting foot on Oregon soil. This time last year, I had just stopped with my friend Becka and we checked into the HolidaySuperBestFloralCurtain SupremeContinentalBreakfastWhatever motel just off I-84 in Pendleton and talked the night through making excited plans of what we were going to do when-

No, actually. That's not quite right.

We stopped in Pendleton, but FIRST visited the supermarket TO BUY A BOTTLE OF WINE for two reasons.

1. Celebrate!

2. Lavish in the fact I CAN DO THAT NOW WHENEVER I WANT!

For you see, dear children, wine is not sold anywhere in the great State of Utah save for the state run liquor stores (unrefrigerated), which create all the ambiance and atmosphere of your local DMV (now with more beige!) so, to celebrate no longer needing to purchase alcohol from a dispensary unit (i.e. placing a chit in the chute and hoping for zinfandel), I made sure to buy wine at the supermarket!

WINE at the SUPERMARKET!

Seriously. I am still not over that. Walking through the supermarket has not been the same for me since last July.

(LOVE IT.)

Then we drank the entire bottle and talked the night through making excited plans yadda yadda I already said that part.

THE NEXT MORNING...we awoke with slight hangovers and made our way gingerly through the Gorge and into Portland.

It was the most exciting drive I have ever made in my life.

(TREES!)

Now I am here. Now I am employed. Now my employer HAS OFFERED ME A CONTRACT EXTENSION FOR TWO YEARS (oh did I mention that?) and have absolutely no regrets. My boyfriend (who is an Oregon native, by the way) once said "You know, Oregon looks good on you."

I couldn't agree more.

So let's see what the next 12 months bring. After my experiences and everything else I've been through this past 12, I am ready for damn near anything!

So happy. :)

Today is my Dad's birthday.

2009-07-06T22:28:00.004-06:00

Yesterday they had a surprise birthday party for him. My Mom asked me to write something about him that she could read at his party, so I wrote this:

My Dad is responsible for my drive to learn. Fitting, since he's a teacher, but I guess that is what he loves to do in life - to inspire thirst for knowledge. He clearly didn't scrimp on me when it came to that.

Any time I ever wanted to know about something, I went to him. My walking encyclopedia. If he didn't know the answer, he damn well knew how to find the answer and would educate me as soon as he did. As a result of his influence, I have always taken the time to study both sides of an issue, I have never been confounded about my nation's government and how it operates and I have always learned the correct way to pronounce foreign words just in case I find myself somewhere that might come in handy.

The world is fascinating to me and I have my Dad to thank for that. He drove me to school in the mornings with NPR on the radio - where I first learned about different types of music from other countries. When I was in college and my studies in English, Political Science, Public Speaking, you name it, had come to a screeching halt, he swooped in for the rescue and got me motivated again.

When I wrote anything out of creativity, he would read and applaud it, then encourage me to write more. Most importantly, he was the one who got me my first National Geographic subscription as a child with an issue featuring beautiful photos from an interesting city called Portland. He opened my mind and encouraged me to never be afraid to ask a question. He showed me how to peacefully exist with others in this world.

He taught me how to live.

Thank you, Dad. I am a better person because of you and I will never, ever forget that.

Happy Birthday. Love you.

R.I.P. Billy Mays

2009-07-05T19:25:00.002-06:00

Most of you already know that Billy Mays, inventor of OxiClean and a whole slew of other household cleaning products has passed away. He was too young and it is very sad.

At the supermarket yesterday I went to get a Tide pen to keep at my desk, and OxiClean was right next to it. The little spray bottle.

This one:

Anyhow, I decided on OxiClean rather than the Tide pen in honor of his passing (and due to it being cheaper).

I just got strawberry juice on my down comforter. Not a good thing. Luckily the OxiClean was right next to me so I gave it a test run.

Holy.

Crap.

This stuff is GOOD. All you do is spray it on the stain and it's GONE. Seriously! I can't see it and it was STRAWBERRY JUICE! The juice had even had time to dry and it still came off!

WOW.

Rest in peace, Billy Mays. Your contributions will not go ignored in my household.

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!

2009-07-04T14:56:00.003-06:00

Now, we turn our focus to the U.S. and its special day.

Did you have to sing this in elementary school? I did and I still remember (most of) the lyrics, not to mention all of our states in alphabetical order. Post a comment if you did!

Happy happy!

Happy Canada Day!

2009-07-01T06:01:00.007-06:00

Yes, I am going to make this cake from last year and live it up for the Canadians! Woohoo!

(eh.)

Additionally, I would like to show you this retrospective of Canada's early days, delicately researched to give you an accurate picture of what begun to make this nation so very intriguing (short answer: beavers). Such a very colo(u)rful history.

Celebrate our neighbors to the North! If you know a Canadian, tell them you love them! Give hugs! Play hockey! Put gravy on fries! TODAY IS THE DAY!

Happy Canada Day to all my Canadian friends.

(eh.)

Happy Sunday!

2009-06-28T08:47:00.009-06:00

Hello there! Yesterday I went to my friend Becka's company barbecue. It was at a state park called Blue Lake and it was quite pretty. Her co-workers were all friendly and one of them brought his Cajun friend and had a SHRIMP BOIL.

Holy crap. So good.

Granted it wasn't a "real" shrimp boil with zydeco and swamplands and dancing and such, but it was done by an actual Cajun from Plaquemine so it definitely has some credibility. He even had an LSU license plate border. You can't question that. Did I mention how incredibly delicious it was? DID I??

Plus there were leftovers. Sweet, sweet leftovers. They were eaten shortly after the last photo was taken. They didn't have a chance.

Photos!

Happy Sunday, y'all!

So how the hell do I follow that post?

2009-06-13T14:41:00.002-06:00

Ha! What should I say now?

1. It's Saturday.

2. I am watching The Simpsons on Hulu.

3. It's cool and breezy and humid and overcast and I LOVE IT.

4. Also I am doing laundry.

Maybe I will walk on the nature trail today...have I told you about the nature trail? The one next door to me? The one with all the boardwalks and creeks and trees? I haven't?

OH WE HAVE SO MUCH TO COVER.

Where do I begin???

Whoa.

2009-06-06T01:16:00.005-06:00

This feels weird. I honestly didn't think I would be back here. There was going to be the link to my Flickr page (see previous post for that link) and I was pretty much going to leave it at that.

Something was missing, though.

Something huge.

(No, not my ass. I still have that.)

This is the perfect place for me to express myself. I knew this, you knew this. However, I have been very busy these past 10 months adjusting to life in a new state and thought I might have moved on from my blogging days.

HA! WRONG.

I still love this shit. No matter what I say or try to tell myself, no matter how much easier it is to just post pictures on Flickr, I STILL LOVE WRITING ABOUT RANDOM CRAP IN MY DAILY LIFE WITHOUT A CARE IF ANYONE FINDS IT INTERESTING.

So there you have it. But seriously look at my pictures. They're cool.

LET'S HAVE A REVIEW.

July 2008

I moved to Portland, driving with Becka through Idaho and Eastern Oregon. It was a part of the country I have never seen before and it was amazing. I felt so free!

After a couple of weeks, however, it hit me that I was not on vacation and was not going home. After some incredibly challenging emotional struggles, I began to come to terms with where I live now and what I need to do with my life (still a work in progress). Whew.

August 2008

Things simmered for awhile.

September 2008

I bought Minty. He is a Yaris. This is the only picture I have of him on my hard drive at the moment.

October 2008

I did stuff. Then it was Halloween. That's pretty much all I remember.

November 2008

This month is best left un-recounted. It was an absolute nightmare. Thank GOD it's over.

December 2008

I looked for work and gingerly tip-toed through a completely shut down city during record snowfall in the region (10 inches). I took a two-hour bus ride across town for a job interview to find out it had been canceled. That paid off in January, though. My laptop's hard drive crashed and I lost everything on it. Good thing I backed up photos to Flickr!

January 2009

I rescheduled the interview and was hired at the state office where I now work. It is a bilingual position on a six month contract and has been the best, most challenging job I have ever had. Each day I am asked to handle things I not only never thought I would, but had no idea I could! The whole process has been amazing.

February 2009

I met my boyfriend. :)

Our first date was at a restaurant in a log cabin that was COMPLETELY DESERTED for whatever reason that night. The best part of it was that he had just gotten done telling me bits of Portland lore including but not limited to the story of Dayton Leroy Rogers, a Portland area serial killer.

As we sat there.

In an empty log cabin.

In the woods.

Where nobody could hear me scream.

Best. First. Date. EVER!

March 2009

I was asked to assist with Spanish computer class instruction and lead presentations at work for groups of 20-30 people DAILY. HOLY CRAP.

It has been going well.

Becka thought she might be able to replace my hard drive and I was up for trying. She totally rocked it and now my computer works! Yay!

April 2009

Same stuff.

May 2009

My work contract is ending June 30th and there's no word on whether or not they will be able to hire me. That is a little scary.

My boyfriend and I went on a daytrip to Seattle. I love the Northwest. :)

June 2009

Here I am. Still standing, still waiting on the job thing, still feeling good. That pretty much brings you up to speed. We'll see where this goes from here.

What a crazy ride this has been.

I have been holding out on you.

2008-10-22T21:46:00.002-06:00

HERE'S THE DEAL.

Moving to a new city in a new state requires a great deal of exploration.

I am an exhibitionist of sorts.

Since I am seeing and experiencing new things, and I have a camera phone, I have been TAKING PICTURES LIKE CRAZY.

Unfortunately, this has been going on at the expense of my blog.

MAYBE THE PHOTOS AND BLOG COULD BE LINKED AT SOME POINT but for now they are not.

THAT BEING SAID...here is the link to my photo website. It's fun and interesting because you can see stuff!

PHOTOS!

Until the two can exist peacefully in partnership, you can see what the hell I've been up to by visiting the link located above.

LITERALLY SEE IT. SEE THE THINGS.

You're excited. Admit it.

Woo!

THE NEW PLACE!!!

2008-09-17T15:34:00.000-06:00

We moved! Yay!

Actually we haven't MOVED quite yet. I brought my stuff to spend the night but the actual furniture doesn't arrive until Saturday. That's ok though.

Here's a slideshow! I just discovered I can embed them in a blog post! Lucky you!

Merlin and Stevie.

2008-09-16T20:45:00.004-06:00

Remember my friend Jennifer the dog trainer? Well these are her own two dogchildren, Merlin (lying down) and Stevie (sitting on the left). I call them "Mermoo and Steezy" but that's just me. She was experimenting with her new camera and thought she'd have some fun with them and their magnificent LARGE EARS.

I love these doggies and feel honored to have met them in person. :)

Hello.

2008-09-12T20:15:00.002-06:00

I don't really have anything NEW to report. My job is going really well. I'm enjoying it and love the fact I can go for a long walk at lunchtime on a trail next to the building with trees and birds and such. Who can say that?!

Yeah, ok. People who work in the same office park. Heh. Got it. Smartypants.

Also I am awesome and excited for the future.

WHAT??

Today is September 11th.

2008-09-11T14:38:00.004-06:00

This is from Op-Ed columnist Roger Cohen at the New York Times. Please read it and ponder.

In the Seventh Year

Looking for Soap.

2008-09-08T22:12:00.005-06:00

This post is quite intense, but if there is anyone out there going through something similar, I want this to be available for them to read.
____________________________________________________________________

He clenched his fists.

“Oh fuck. Not again.”

Panic set in yet one more time that afternoon. It would be the seventh by his count.

The feeling was all too familiar - almost as though some internal neurotic receptor set off small sticks of dynamite throughout his body, detaching ligaments from skin letting his innards slide out onto the floor.

Hollow.

“Don't fight it. Don't fight it. Oh God don't fight it. You will just panic more.”

He closed his mouth and inhaled through his nose.

“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...”

He held his breath for three counts and exhaled.

“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven...”

It was an exercise his counselor had told him to try. When a panic attack sets in, he would breathe through his nose for seven counts, hold for three, then exhale through his mouth for eleven counts – it looked silly but it was better than hyperventilating. He wasn't about to go through that again. One month ago to the day he had an attack so bad it ended with hyperventilation in the emergency room. The doctor was very kind and explained what was going on. Until that point he hadn't realized what he was experiencing could be categorized or defined. At first the news was exhilarating. Now that he knew what it was he could fight it!

That's the catch with panic attacks, however. You can't fight them. If you do it just makes them worse.

He broke out in a cold sweat.

“All the feelings you're having right now are NORMAL.” his counselor assured him. It was all part of the stress he was going through that would be ending soon.

“It's ending soon and once things start to follow a pattern you WILL be ok.” her voice was so relaxing and made him feel so much better. If only he could make an appointment to see her on the spur of the moment!

He tried to remember the thought process she had told him to use. There were three thoughts he was supposed to acknowledge to help him stay focused. He pulled out the paper from their last meeting. It was permanently folded in his wallet.

“What are you doing?”

He was at the supermarket looking at soap. It was just soap! What did that have to do with anything? Why can't he just look at some fucking soap? Is that too much to ask?? He just wanted to see what lavender soaps there were because lavender is supposed to be calming!

“How intense are the feelings?”

She would ask him to quantify them in their appointments. He was always bad at that. It always felt like a 10 on a scale of 1 being “Chill” and 10 being “Batshit Strung Out” but it couldn't always be a 10, could it? Could he really be that unstable? Could he even trust his brain anymore? Was he losing his mind?

The waves of emptiness crammed his thoughts and pushed out any logic. He unzipped again.

Plop.

“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...”

On to the next question. He had to push forward.

“What are your thoughts?”

This was a hard one as well. Panic is a product of the subconscious mind. It doesn't necessarily come from specific thoughts. It's just an overall feeling. Or is it? He didn't know anymore. He didn't care. All he wanted to do was get the hell out of the store and hide in his car. Hide and drive. That was his safety maneuver. Hide in the car and drive very fast down the freeway. He started to bolt for the parking lot.

“Just get past the produce and then you're almost free.”

As he jogged through the store, he thought about his driving. It was a method of escape and although he was terrified inside, he hadn't killed anyone yet nor had he even been pulled over. In fact, he was really good at driving down the freeway in the midst of a panic attack. He even followed the speed limit.

Wait. This meant something. He paused by the oranges.

“Oh...now...see that's a good thing. You're very strong, you know. Who can say that they have done that? You're actually really good at that.”

His body was slowly reattaching.

“You are very good at taking care of yourself as a whole, really – not just when you're driving. This entire month, through all these panic attacks, you've still made it to work. You've still made it to the grocery store. You've still been able to transact business and never left your credit card behind, forgot your receipt or your bag...you've even remembered to not only make a lunch for work, but bring it too! That's so wonderful!”

His breathing started to get more steady.

“You are really strong and you are safe with yourself. You are the safest person I know. I completely trust you.”

He started to well up with tears.

“You are safe.”

He needed to wipe his nose.

“You are safe and I love you.”

He calmly got into the car and blew his nose on a napkin from his stash in the glove box. It felt good – almost like all the bad thoughts were coming off onto that bright yellow napkin with the word “TACO” written in sombreros on it. That made him laugh. Laughing felt glorious.

The sunshine through the windshield warmed his face and he thought he might go for a walk in the park once he got home.

“I trust you and I love you. Really. Things are going to be just fine.”

He believed it, too.

____________________________________________________________________

If you or someone you know is experiencing anxiety or panic attacks, have them speak with a medical professional. That is the most important step. In addition, you may want to show them this page. The information on here is incredible.

Panic Attacks

Thank you.

Pittock Mansion

2008-09-04T20:51:00.001-06:00

Would you like to see another slide show?

You know you do.

Pittock Mansion!

My favorite part was the amazing views from the grounds!

I promise I'll write something soon. Really.

Updated Portland Capers!

2008-08-31T23:14:00.003-06:00

Hello there.

Becka and I went to the Forestry Center at Washington Park. I have added the photos of our day to the front of my Portland Capers slideshow. If you're really, really bored, you may enjoy this.

Slideshow!

Update! With photos of trees!

2008-08-30T22:56:00.002-06:00

Hello!

I have been so busy lately! I started a job and have to actually WORK now! Like all day! Five days a week! Can you believe it??

The job is awesome. When I started training it dawned on me this is a great opportunity and they don't hire just anyone - which should have been clear to me after the HOUR and a HALF interview I went through to get hired! It's going well and I am happy with it.

Additionally, I went for a walk! My cousin showed me this great park by her house where she walks her dog and I went to take photos today. Here they are!

Walkies!

Things are good on this end...how are things with you?

Jeannie's pictures!

2008-08-27T13:35:00.002-06:00

My friend Jeannie (who is an excellent photographer) came to visit Becka and I. We had so much fun and it was wonderful to see her again!

She made a set on Flickr of her photos, taken mainly at Waterfront Park, The Coast, Multnomah Falls, the Japanese Gardens and a couple of Becka's adorable cat Nomie (who was featured in the "Keetykeetymowmow" video you saw a few posts back). All of the photos are really pretty. You should check them out. :)

Jeannie's Pictures

Thank you for visiting Jeannie! It was nice to see you!

What did this guy do today?

2008-08-23T23:39:00.008-06:00

This guy went to Cannon Beach.

He really can't help himself.

He also got some pictures of the famed "Haystack Rock"
which is SURREAL in person.

After that, this guy went to Cranky Sue's for
clam chowder and a turkey burger.

Mmm.

The first picture is courtesy of my friend Becka, who accompanied me to the beach with our friend Jeannie, who will be sending me more photos of our day which I will share with you.

DID I MENTION HOW AWESOME IT IS HERE? DID I?

What did you do today?

Rockaway Beach, Cannon Beach and Seaside!

2008-08-16T09:39:00.002-06:00

On the way to Rockaway Beach, I decided to take a longer route and explore the coast a little bit before meeting my friends (read: I got lost). I made a Flickr set of the photos from that excursion as well as some I took once reaching my destination.

More Beach Photos

Enjoy! I recommend viewing it as a slideshow!

THE BEACH!!!

2008-08-13T21:51:00.005-06:00

So my dear friends Kevin and Jordan (who just got ENGAGED!) went with Jordan's parents, brother and brother's girlfriend (who also just got ENGAGED TOO!) to their yearly vacation spot of Rockaway Beach. I happen to live 1.5 hours from there now, so I totally went to see them for the day. It was so cool! I can't believe I can daytrip to THE COAST now! We had delicious food (courtesy of Jordan's dad), explored the town, swam around, made sand castles/sea turtles and just relaxed on the shore. The weather was perfect as well!

Here are the photos, courtesy of Kevin:

Me, Jordan and Kevin.

The view from their hotel room.

The whole crew.

Not sure what's going on here.

Thank you to all of you for such a fun time! I really enjoyed myself! Congratulations to Jordan, Kevin, Mike and Jill too! You guys are awesome!

"We'd like to offer you the position..."

2008-08-12T10:04:00.002-06:00

Those have to be the 7 most satisfying words to hear.

I am officially employed in Oregon. :)

I have a new love...

2008-08-10T10:23:00.001-06:00

Matzo Ball Soup!
Originally uploaded by reseda76

...and it goes by the name of "Matzo Ball Soup" at Rose's restaurant.

SO DELICIOUS.

WOW.

LASERTIMES.

2008-08-09T20:11:00.002-06:00

LASERTIMES.
Originally uploaded by Dynamite Doggies!

Here is another video from my friend Jennifer, dog trainer extraordinaire, and her super awesome friend Stella. You might remember them from the last video when Stella had SO MUCH on her MIND.

(That video is here.)

Stella is just too much, isn't she? Hahaha!

The Bite of Oregon!

2008-08-08T23:39:00.004-06:00

Amber and Tim asked if I would like to go to a festival at the Waterfront showcasing regional cuisine from all over the state today.

WOULD I?!

We had such an awesome time! I'm really glad they're here! Here are some pictures.

Bite of Oregon

Also, I will be periodically updating this set from before. There are some new pictures loaded today from our walk all over town after the festival.

Portland Capers

I am starting to feel like I might possibly be at home. :)

Mainstream Media

2008-08-07T19:01:00.000-06:00

Heh.

This is what happens when you've officially lost it.

2008-08-06T08:51:00.001-06:00

Keetykeetymeowmeow.
Originally uploaded by reseda76

I actually talk to my friend's cats this way. Both of them.

Send help.

Dinner! OMG!

2008-08-05T22:50:00.001-06:00

Dinner! OMG!
Originally uploaded by reseda76

Thank you everyone for your prayers, pep-talks and phone calls. You cannot even imagine how much it helped. I am feeling much better and even went out to dinner with a friend! Yes! Jenn! My friend from high school! She has been living here for six years! Who knew?

We went to Blue Tangerine at Bridgeport Village. I had the grilled veggie kebab with saffron rice and Shirazi salad.

IT WAS AMAZING!

I'm back. ;)

Checking in...

2008-08-03T17:57:00.003-06:00

I am feeling much better now. Prayer and phone calls to some very important people helped. Thank you for helping me.

The sun is out, it's warm and pleasant, I'm finishing my laundry and then walking to the store. Again. Smiling at everyone I see on the way. Again.

This is becoming a good day. :)

This is normal.

2008-08-03T08:49:00.002-06:00

It hit me about a day ago that I am not on vacation. I am not going home - I am already home. At first this was exciting and cool to think about, but now those feelings have passed and I am terrified.

As I write this there is a huge knot in my stomach and my hands are shaky. Going outside and walking around helps this a lot, but then it always comes back. Part of me wants to run back to Utah where I know I'd be safe - but how "safe" would that really be? What would I be running back to? Not much more than what I have here. I went through so much planning and work to get here. It would be very unfair to myself if I just threw it all away.

These feelings are normal. I left a job and familiar environment for something nearly completely unknown. Feelings of fear and worry are part of the picture. I tell myself that all the time. It doesn't stop them, but it makes them easier to handle. Crawling back into bed and putting the covers over my head is all I want to do, but that just intensifies the feelings so I should try to do other things.

Moving here with a job waiting probably would have made this easier, but I wasn't going to wait for that. I wanted to get out of Utah and get going with this adventure - which I did. Now that I'm here the feelings of fear can get so strong that all I want to do is go home where I would be safe. Except I'm not actually in danger here.

I'm just in an unknown right now and once I know it better, I won't be as scared. Really.

There is a walking route I've taken a few times. It's familiar to me at this point. I may go walk that now.

A new favorite wine.

2008-07-31T21:15:00.002-06:00

Becka and I are enjoying a bottle of 2006 Chardonnay from these fine people:

Papio Wines

If you're looking for a nice Chardonnay that isn't too dry, give them a sip. We like it so much we are discussing the possibility of getting a case tomorrow. Yum yum!

Happy Hour with Amber!

2008-07-29T19:59:00.003-06:00

Happy Hour with Amber!
Originally uploaded by reseda76

Guess who now lives in the same city as his cousin and went to Happy Hour with her downtown today?

YEAH.

ME.

This is where we went. It was really reasonable and the view was magnificent!

Portland City Grill

Woohoo! :)

Hello Dinner!

2008-07-28T21:40:00.001-06:00

C'est fini!
Originally uploaded by reseda76

I would like to introduce you to shrimp and veggie stir fry. This would be my first home-cooked creation in Portland. The veggies are from a really cool organic market we went to yesterday. Wrapping it with lettuce was suggested to us by a P.F. Chang's server in Boise when we stopped for lunch on the way here.

Becka said it was scrumptious.

I would have to agree.

Would you care to see some photos?

2008-07-27T19:20:00.002-06:00

Becka and I went downtown to take pictures today. Here they are.

Portland Capers

It was so much fun and the weather was incredible!

HELLO FROM OREGON.

2008-07-27T10:34:00.003-06:00

So I moved.

Totally.

OH HOLY CRAP I LIVE IN OREGON NOW.

I have pictures.

They are nice.

They are coming soon.

I have to unpack.

Lion Reunion.

2008-07-22T18:36:00.001-06:00

We've all seen this today, but why not see it again? You know you want to.

*teary*

R.I.P. Estelle Getty

2008-07-22T10:13:00.002-06:00

An actress known for her determination to succeed and far more roles than Dorothy's mother Sophia Petrillo on The Golden Girls (though that one is my personal favorite), Estelle Getty passed away today after a long battle with dementia. She passed away peacefully and quietly at home, and is now living it up on that big lanai in heaven with all her friends who went before her - at least that's what I'd like to think.

We are happy you are finally at peace, but will miss you.

Estelle Getty, 1923-2008

"Farewell, new friend" to you as well!

2008-07-18T15:33:00.005-06:00

Look at this! Would you look at this??

From Calanan

I have to say I feel the same way. He is a really nice person (and a great photographer) and it's unfortunate because we just barely met and now I'm leaving.

Though, he's moving in about a year so I don't feel TOO much like a schmuck. Heh.

Thanks for the awesome tribute, Mike, and come visit anytime!

Mike's (incredible) Flickr photos here.

Sunday Morning Ritual

2008-07-15T22:41:00.008-06:00

Steve and Miranda rounded the corner of their favorite ice cream shop. A very attractive young gentleman jogged past them in a stylish track suit.

"Good morning!" he said with a smile.

They both smiled back.

"What a nice man." beamed Miranda. "Too bad he's making me feel guilty."

"He reminds me of my ex." said Steve. "Except he smiles and is nice."

Miranda gave him a half smile as they walked through the heavy wooden door. This was their Sunday morning ritual. Breakfast at Saveur, usually the salmon and eggs, then ice cream at Heladito. Neither one of them were heavy, but they weren't that slender either. Gourmet everything certainly takes its toll after awhile.

"Eventually I'm going to need exercise on a regular schedule. I've reduced my indulgence as much as I can" whimpered Steve. "There's no way I could give up Sunday mornings. It's all the sloth I have left!"

"Don't make me obsess over that too! You know how easily I do that!" retorted Miranda as she ordered her cone. Steve stood behind her, lecturing to the floor tiles with vigor.

"I'm not mad at myself necessarily. But I've been letting myself go this past year. You know it's true. Honestly I have no regrets. It's been a delicious journey but now I have to go home and pay the bills stacked up behind the mail slot in the door - so to speak."

"Hey Steve. Shut up. Order some damn ice cream." It never failed to amaze Miranda how poetically Steve could insult himself. It was almost magical. She pushed him to the counter while taking a big bite out of her caramel cashew nut supreme.

The two made their way out of the store with ice creams in hand. The sun was out, but it was still chilly at noon. Steve zipped up his hoodie.

"Mark Twain." he said, turning to Miranda.

"Mmm." she nodded with a mouthful of ice cream.

Mark Twain had once allegedly stated "The coldest winter I ever saw was the summer I spent in San Francisco." Each time the sun would go on sabbatical and clouds would come crashing in from the bay, licking the hills with wispy tongues of dripping fog, all Steve or Miranda would have to do is say his name. The rest took care of itself. Like a secret code.

"I hate hot weather though." said Miranda once she had swallowed her ice cream. "It's so nice to wear a jacket in August, you know?"

"Yeah. The more I can cover up, the better I feel." Steve said, his mouth full of cherry chocolate fudge.

"Stooooop." said Miranda. "You look good in shorts. Trust me."

They walked past a men's clothing store. There were three mannequins on display who obviously hadn't heard of the quote by Mark Twain. One was in a tank top and shorts, the other was in a swimsuit, and the third sported a short-sleeve Havanera shirt with linen pants and flip flops. They stopped in front of the window.

"Someone should give them jackets. Or at least a blanket." said Steve.

"I think the one in the swimsuit is making eyes at you." smirked Miranda.

"Ha! Funny. Nobody makes eyes at this." Steve passed the pointer finger of his free hand around him in a circle.

"You can't be serious. Someone HAS to notice your hotness. I bet that mannequin would jump right under that blanket with you. Rowr." Miranda laughed.

"You're too funny." said Steve, deadpan. "No - really it just doesn't happen. I'm not...whatever. You know? It just doesn't happen. It's totally fine."

"What do you mean?" Miranda attacked the ice cream dripping down her fingers with one lengual swoop.

"Well, when I go into a group of other gay men, or when I see them around, none of them have ever "made eyes" at me. Ever." He crammed the last bit of cone into his mouth.

"How do you know that?? Are you constantly looking for it?"

"No, but I think I'd know if it happened. I'm not hideously ugly, I would never say that. I'm just not really that much to gaze upon. It's ok. Really! Sometimes it bothers me but usually I'm fine."

"I think that's ridiculous. I can't believe nobody has ever looked at you in that "If there weren't other people here I would rip your clothes off and throw you on the table" kind of way. You can't tell me that has never, EVER happened to you." Miranda's eyes narrowed.

"Well...ok fine. It happened to me once. That's how I know it hasn't happened since. It happened to me once and I've never forgotten it."

Miranda folded her arms, her ice cream hand dangling the tilted cone toward the street.

"Well?"

"It happened really fast - but there was eye contact so it felt really slow, you know? We were walking past each other and he looked right into my eyes and smiled the most wonderful smile I've ever seen. His kind energy penetrated my whole body and passed through my soul. It was good I kept walking because it probably would have taken out the taco cart behind me."

"Wow." said Miranda. What happened after that?

"Oh I just kept walking. I was late for a doctor's appointment."

She shook her head, unfolded her arms and finished her ice cream cone. "See? SOMEONE thought you were fantastic. You can't say nobody ever has before."

"Maybe he did, but it was just that one time. I can't accept it at face value either because I'm pretty sure he was a prostitute, or at least a coke dealer."

"Why? Where were you?"

"At the B.A.R.T. stop on 24th and Mission. You know, by the shelter and that McDonald's the Health Department shut down after someone found a finger in their milkshake."

"Oh yeah. He probably was then." resigned Miranda. "Damn."

The two friends linked arms and continued on their walk.

The Shopper and The Checker

2008-07-05T21:16:00.005-06:00

It was the day after a very hot holiday. The supermarket wasn't very crowded, but you could tell everyone most likely worked the holiday and now took the day off. “Well.” thought The Shopper, “At least the store isn't crowded.” Navigating the aisles, he remembered this was the store where The Checker worked.

He really liked The Checker. He was alluring and beautiful in his own way. Some people probably would find The Checker unattractive, but not The Shopper. To him, everything about The Checker was charming. His dorky grin, his slightly crooked (but very white) teeth, the amber-hued stubble that gave away his unnatural hair color, his crooked soul patch, his richly tanned skin that was probably very white at the beginning of summer, the watch he wore that was easily two sizes too big, and the large gemstone bracelet on his other slender wrist. He was just cute. Cute and goofy and a little clumsy. With a big apron on. Absolutely perfect.

The Shopper got what he needed and looked around to see only two checkstands open. One of them was staffed by The Checker. Four people were waiting at that stand – two at the other one staffed by an angry woman he didn't want to deal with. “Damn. I'll take a lap and check back.” He wasn't going to let go of his chance to interact with The Checker, even if it meant carrying frozen food around an overheated supermarket in the middle of summer. Nobody would catch on...they would just think he needed more things.

Returning to the front of the store, he noticed the line had gotten longer. Longer? How could that happen? One more lap should do the trick. He rounded the vegetarian frozen goods. “When are they going to restock the tofu corn dogs? They are too good to not carry!” he thought to himself as though to prove to some imaginary friend in his neurosis that he wasn't thinking about The Checker. It was a thinly-veiled defense and failed quickly. He jogged to the front of the store.

The line was down to two people. Awesome. Time to jump in.

He had plenty of time to observe The Checker from the back of the line. As he got closer he could notice a faint scent of cigarettes covered up (unsuccessfully) by cologne. He loved that. This innocent checker had some otherworldly meanderings that defied his nerdy exterior.

He had to know what it was like to actually have a conversation with this guy. In times past, The Shopper would just stand there numbly, take the receipt, smile and leave. They had to chat this time. He had to find out, one way or another, if The Checker subscribed to his particular brand of intimate arrangement for certain. How could he do this? How could he find out in the 5 minutes they would have together without giving it away and/or creeping The Checker out? He needed to shop here – it was the closest store to his house. How could he accomplish this and be able to show his face in there again? How??

The bracelet.

He could ask about the bracelet. This would start a conversation. It was too perfect! Based on the enthusiasm of his response he would know if it was safe to proceed. Fantastic!

“I like your bracelet.”

“Thanks.” he flashed a goofy grin. “My girlfriend got it for me at Lake Havasu. She goes every year with her family. The stones are real and stuff.” The Checker poked at the stones with his free hand while he dragged a package of cookie dough across the scanner in the other.

Girlfriend?

Right.

He had a girlfriend.

Right.

Maybe he did, that was altogether possible, but it was probably for show. A decorative faux-girlfriend. A girlfriend wall-treatment. Some sponge-painted wisp of a woman buying him gaudy bracelets from Lake Havasu that only further confirmed his fruity tendencies to the world.

He could picture her. She was like sugar-free Crystal Light. Sweet and pleasant but lame as hell.

The receipt clacked its way out of the ominous, gray box on the counter. “Okay, so, here's your receipt.” said The Checker with that grin again. That toothy grin. God that grin could make The Shopper a puddled mess on the floor if he let it. He reached up to take the receipt from The Checker and for a brief second their eyes and hands met.

Something snapped.

It was as though the entire life they could share together spun wildly in the narrow crevice between them like a cyclone, drawing them together with its furious imaginative energy. Shopper and Checker stood there, gazing into each other's eyes, fingertips touching, for what seemed like hours.

Just as fast as it started, it died. Music crescendoed, blurry shots came back into focus and The Checker went back to being The Checker. The Shopper just as quickly reduced back to a random person coming in for some odds and ends.

“Have a good one.” said The Checker with his trademark grin.

“You too.” said The Shopper with a huge smile.

The Shopper went on his way, wondering if he looked alright from the back. Chances of seeing The Checker again were slim at best. It was simply a chance encounter and nothing more. The Shopper knew absolutely nothing about The Checker in all honesty, but as the glass panel doors whirred open to a roasting summer sun, The Shopper couldn't help but tell himself:

“At another time, in another place, under different circumstances, he could have been the one.”

“Damn.”

Celebrate!

2008-07-01T07:41:00.000-06:00

My office is a very diverse one. By "diverse" I mean there is someone not originally from the U.S. who works there. By that, I mean I work with a Canadian.

Exotic.

Because we are so very diverse, we not only celebrate the 4th of July, but Canada Day as well (July 1st). It's a nice way for him to feel more comfortable and gives us an excuse to have CAKE!

Yes. Cake.

Specifically, the CANADA DAY FLAG CAKE made popular by Kraft Canada and enjoyed many a Canada Day in every province of that great land to the north.

This year was my turn to make the cake. It was really easy and it's not as unhealthy as you might think. It didn't turn out too bad, did it?

You can almost tell it's the Canadian flag!

Here is the recipe with a much better looking strawberry arrangement: Canada Day Flag Cake

Yes, I am already thinking of how to switch this recipe around, add blueberries and make it for the 4th of July. It's not copying, it's utilizing resources.

HAPPY CANADA DAY TO ALL MY CANADIAN FRIENDS!!!

eh.

Thanks John!

2008-06-24T13:44:00.002-06:00

I took the crayon quiz and it was pretty accurate. For some reason I really want to insert "eaters" after the 8th word in the last sentence. How very odd. ;)

You Are a Yellow Crayon

Your world is colored with happy, warm, fun colors.

You have a thoughtful and wise way about you. Some people might even consider you a genius.

Charming and eloquent, you are able to get people to do things your way.

While you seem spontaneous and free wheeling, you are calculating to the extreme.

Your color wheel opposite is purple. You both are charismatic leaders, but purple people act like you have no depth.

What Color Crayon Are You?

R.I.P. George Carlin

2008-06-23T09:12:00.002-06:00

Sometimes you made me uncomfortable, but most of the time you just made me laugh. I will miss you and your biting sense of reality.

George Carlin

Stella talks.

2008-06-17T10:31:00.001-06:00

stella talks.
Originally uploaded by Dynamite Doggies!

This is from my friend Jennifer. She is a dog trainer in San Francisco.

I really envy her sometimes. :)

There is more than corn in Iowa.

2008-06-15T23:21:00.000-06:00

Just so you know.

Update from Cedar Rapids.

2008-06-15T14:12:00.003-06:00

I just heard from my sister. The river has crested in Cedar Rapids and they are not restricting water use as much as they were. It sounds crazy, but when there's a massive flood you are not supposed to use water unless absolutely necessary. Something about the treatment plants not being able to function or something.

I'm just happy the situation is improving. Thanks for your well wishes, everyone.

Please pray for Iowa.

2008-06-13T09:00:00.005-06:00

Both Iowa City and Cedar Rapids are experiencing catastrophic flooding. My sister and her husband live there and so do her husband's siblings. So far everyone is ok, but the rivers haven't crested yet as far as I know.

Information:

Cedar Rapids
Iowa City
University of Iowa

How you can help:

American Red Cross - Grant Wood Area
United Way of East Central Iowa

(There are other organizations, I'm sure, but these are the ones that come to mind.)

Here is the Red Cross Safe and Well List in case you know anyone in the area and wanted to see if they were registered:

Red Cross Safe and Well List

Please keep Iowa in your thoughts and prayers today.

Oh for the love...

2008-06-04T21:53:00.002-06:00

I am going to write EVERY SINGLE DAY for 21 days?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

YEAH. You can see how well I did with THAT.

My life is in the process of changing significantly. I write best when I'm settled. This is the excuse I will use. Heh.

Also...I am starting a weight loss blog with some friends. Once everything is up and running smoothly, I will share that information with you. I HAVE been writing, just not on this blog. Also not on a blog I am sharing yet.

So it still sucks.

BUT I WROTE SOMETHING TODAY.

Goodnight.

Entombed.

2008-06-02T17:27:00.002-06:00

Apparently the inventor of the Pringle can passed away May 4th.

Fredric J. Baur

He had requested to be buried in his invention. This makes perfect sense to me and if I were him, I would have made the same request.

Think about it! He invented the PRINGLE CAN. Who hasn't used one of those in this country? Not many people! We all know and love that can! The friendly face smiling at us to have just one more treat, that familiar thwapping sound the lid makes as it peels open, the aroma of the chips stacked neatly down there, the shiny silver inside of that tube of salty deliciousness...

R.I.P. Mr. Baur. Thank you for the snacks. Really.

Paula Polinski has your number...

2008-05-31T17:12:00.004-06:00

Remember this?

Well the photographer, Mike Calanan, is from Buffalo, NY originally. He finds the video linked below very funny - as do I.

Paula Does Downtown

He recently went back there to visit family and got a voicemail message from Paula right after he returned. For some strange reason he thinks I left him that message, not Paula. Isn't that odd? Why would he think such a silly thing? He also decided to commemorate the message with a slideshow on his Flickr account. You can clearly tell it isn't me.

Pahla!

Totally not something I would do. Totally. ;-)

Blank space.

2008-05-30T17:05:00.002-06:00

Hi.

I'm just trying to write something in here today. I've made that promise to myself. I am going to try and write here EVERY SINGLE DAY for 21 days. Apparently after 21 days, if you're consistent, the whatever thing you're trying to do will stick and be permanent.

Or you'll go crazy and never want to do it again. Six of one, half a dozen of the other, right?

BUT WHAT DOES ONE DO when their mind is BLANK? I am sitting here, in a shirt that's way too big for me, in a stuffy room, and have nothing at all going through my cerebral cortex.

Like a VOID.

(Woosh.)

The only thing I am thinking about in conscious thought is how my left eye stings really bad and it could be possible I've burst another blood vessel in it. Let me check. Hold on.

Nope. Looks ok to me.

Don't get me wrong, there are things on my mind...way back there...but due to the extremely diverse audience reading this blog, I don't like to mention just ANYTHING. It wouldn't go over well. It's safer not to mention some things. I'm sure you understand.

So there's nothing to discuss. Really.

But at least I wrote something, right?

Hello.

2008-05-29T21:34:00.004-06:00

Sorry it's been so long. You know how that can happen though. I just...leave...for awhile and come back later. Heh. It's great. Admit it. You love it.

Actually, when I was in San Francisco there was a show on about blogs on NPR and they covered two main topics: How to determine if a blog is real and how to avoid the dreaded "Cheese Sandwich Blog" Syndrome.

If posts suddenly just STOP and the blogger comes back later with a "sorry I've been away at horse riding camp" or "my aunt Merna and I went to China" or some such thing, you know the blog you're reading is written by a REAL PERSON and not some staff of a newspaper somewhere pretending to be a person.

That's me. Totally keepin' it real.

Then, apparently, someone once wrote "Today I had a cheese sandwich" on their blog way back in the infancy of blogging, prompting the Interworld to ask "Why? Why the hell should we care? We're sitting at work, risking our jobs that we despise to read your daily comings and goings and that is all you have to say? It's enough to make us stop this and do some work!"

Or something like that.

In any case, the point was that if you don't have something interesting to say, don't bother. This has been my problem. Adding to that is the fact I have eaten quite a few cheese sandwiches recently...so blogging has been downright out of the question.

UNTIL TODAY.

Actually yesterday.

Yesterday we had a staff meeting at work and I officially told my coworkers about moving to Oregon. I started out with "July 15th will be my last day" and there was an audible gasp in the room.

I was not expecting that.

It made finishing my sentence even harder.

I yammered something like "...sobecauseIamumrelocatingtoOregonumyeah." and looked at my hands. They were shaking.

Now most of you may be going "It's just a job. Get over it, drama queen." and you would be partially right. I can take things too seriously sometimes. But this has been FAR more than just a job to me. When I was going to lose my previous position from a cut in funding, that place took me in and gave me the relief of not only a job, but a job where I was already comfortable and familiar with the surroundings. I was given a job in a lower position than I had held before (technical writer to office assistant) and never, ever, ever felt less important than anyone else in the department or cheated out of status. My boss has been amazing. My other coworkers have been amazing. I have made friends there. They have come over to my house for dinner.

Basically, leaving will be really, really hard for me. There is nothing more exciting and desirable than the opportunity to make a fresh start in a new, captivating city with tons of things seemingly tailor-made just for me, but in exchange I have to leave my job.

My awesome job.

I'll be ok. I'll get over it. Once I hit the Columbia River Gorge I don't think it will sting nearly as much (TREES!) and I know my coworkers are happy for me...but still, I know going to work may never be like it has been again. It may be, dare I say it, NORMAL.

Here's hoping there's another abnormal job for me out there in Oregon.

Seriously.

Banana Box

2008-05-27T00:29:00.001-06:00

Fuel cell vehicles are here.

2008-05-22T17:11:00.000-06:00

Well, they are if you live in Southern California. I knew Honda was testing this but didn't think it would ever move ahead! Zero emissions! Wow!

Honda Clarity

Let's hope it becomes more widespread.

Thursday's Good News.

2008-05-15T13:34:00.001-06:00

Slowly it happens...

He must really like that food.

2008-05-13T19:35:00.000-06:00

My computer died.

2008-05-07T06:35:00.003-06:00

Died as in "won't even turn back on". Thankfully it's under warranty (for about 72 more hours) so there won't be a charge, but I have to ship it off to Hewlett-Packard for the repair.

Yikes!

I could go on and on about how annoying the whole thing is and how this experience has significantly altered my preference in personal computing devices but I won't. There's no need. We've all been there before. At least, thus far, the process has been pretty quick and painless - plus they're paying the shipping cost - so kudos to HP for that, but still. Yeah. Shouldn't happen in the first place.

LUCKILY my dad has a computer (which is how I wrote this).

HOWEVER he uses said computer. Regularly. It is his computer, after all.

As a result, there are LONG STRETCHES of time that pass with nary an internet connection to be had - but where there isn't internet, there are ART SUPPLIES.

I did both of these in one night.

HA!

ALLERGY SEASON.

2008-05-01T07:06:00.002-06:00

Inspired by the cooking implement.

2008-04-29T20:59:00.002-06:00

He got skillz.

Hey guess what?

2008-04-28T16:57:00.000-06:00

A local photographer, Michael Calanan, asked me if I wanted to do a photo shoot documenting a place in Salt Lake that I find special. It's part of a project he's working on. This guy is really good, so if you need a photographer I recommend looking him up.

Photo Shoot!

Thanks Michael! It was really nice meeting you and fun to share my place!

...and now for something completely adorable.

2008-04-18T21:27:00.001-06:00

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT TONGUE? AAH!

KMHD is awesome.

2008-04-16T07:13:00.004-06:00

Hello.

By now pretty much all of you know my plans to move to Portland in July. If you don’t know already, well, SURPRISE!

Heh.

Anyway…let me tell you about an AWESOME radio station over there. It’s called KMHD and it broadcasts from Mount Hood Community College in Gresham (a suburb). A couple months ago I pledged some money because I had started to listen to them online. It seemed fair. I didn’t have enough for the membership, but asked if I could at least get a bumper sticker. The woman I spoke with was very kind and said that wouldn’t be a problem. Almost immediately afterward I received TWO bumper stickers from them and they are the window cling type so I can reuse them whenever I want! Bonus!

I figured that was that. It was nice of them and I was grateful.

WELL.

Yesterday in the mail I received ANOTHER bumper sticker (this one is GREEN!), a post-it pad with their logo on it, a broadcast schedule, a gift certificate for Acadia in Portland AND a coupon for 20% off a purchase at Music Millenium there too!

Holy crap!

Thinking they accidentally processed my donation as a membership, I sent an email thanking them and asking if they needed more money. This was the membership coordinator’s response:

Michael,

What you received is what KMHD can afford for its advertising budget. We count on word of mouth and it sounds like you will be a great new addition to Portland and KMHD’s listening audience. I’m glad you enjoyed and will be able to use firsthand the KMHD premiums and there is no additional contribution other than what your own conscience might dictate. Although I will say, “it’s tax deductible!”

Might I preemptively welcome you to Portland, I think you’ll find it very livable.

Sincerely,

Mary Burlingame
KMHD, Membership Services

Thank you Mary! That was nice of you guys! Portland and I are going to get along just fine with people like you there and I can't wait to try those businesses! I happen to love music and food. It's like you KNEW. Haha!

Such a nice surprise.

Also I would like to note I am listening online as I type this. Just so you know.

You may already know this.

2008-04-15T06:29:00.001-06:00

If you're in the U.S. and expecting an economic stimulus check, here is the payment schedule! It's based on the last two digits of your SSN and if you chose direct deposit or a paper check when you filed your 2007 taxes.

Payment Schedule

You DID file already, didn't you? The deadline is TODAY after all.

My friend Becka alerted me to this schedule. Thank you Becka!

I can't stop laughing!!!

2008-04-14T20:54:00.001-06:00

It's not just because I'm a vegetarian either.

Stranded.

2008-04-13T07:21:00.000-06:00

They must have been put off by his mohawk.

NEWS FLASH.

2008-04-12T07:41:00.005-06:00

I HELD A BABY ON THURSDAY AND LIKED IT.

Remember my friend Rebecca? No? Yes you do. I've told you about her before.

No? Really? Come on! Do you ever listen to me?! I mean, I know I can ramble sometimes but if-

Fine.

Rebecca had her baby, named Gerard, 3 months before he was actually due. It was a very scary situation for her and her husband Michael. After the delivery (on Christmas Eve, no less) Rebecca recovered in the hospital and Gerard stayed in the NICU. He was there until his due date (almost three months later). Mom and baby are home now, but Gerard is on oxygen. He's doing really well though, and last Thursday was the first time I got to see him AND REBECCA ASKED ME TO HOLD HIM.

In case you didn't know, this would be the THIRD TIME in my life I have EVER held a baby and the FIRST TIME I held a baby for more than 30 seconds.

It was nice.

Really nice.

He was so calm and quiet...he actually slept in my arms the whole 10 minutes or so I held him. It was very peaceful.

No, I can't say I want to have kids. But holding Gerard was lovely.

Thoughts on retail husbandry.

2008-04-08T07:19:00.002-06:00

I'm thinking I might jazz things up a bit in my personal life. See, my personality and sense of style have gotten boring to me, so I've decided to switch it around. Why not? It's springtime - the feeling is bound to surface in springtime.

It seems pretty easy. At the mall yesterday I found a bunch of places that have whole entire identities wrapped up in neat little packages! All you have to do is get the stuff and you're done! Clothing, shoes, music, home decor, which movies you should watch, which books you should read (provided your new personality reads), it's all in there. Choose who you want to be and boom! Brand new person! Just like that!

So I'm totally doing that. It sounds so easy.

I won't even have to THINK.

Heh.

Jackie and I made cupcakes...

2008-04-01T19:57:00.002-06:00

...and, well, the best way to describe it is through the photos.

Cupcake Shenanigans

NOTE: Please, please, PLEASE don't use this as a gauge for my or Jackie's baking abilities. We are both really quite good! I swear! I haven't killed a person yet!

Utah: Land of the Eternal Snowflake

2008-03-31T06:23:00.002-06:00

It snowed last night. Out of nowhere.

Currently the temperature is 23F and there is 3-4 inches of snow outside.

Did I mention tomorrow is April 1st?

Did I also mention that it was 60F yesterday?

Right now, I am so full of abject hatred for this state that it's making me physically sick.

Still, "Land of the Eternal Snowflake" is pretty funny. Heh.

Hey kids!

2008-03-26T22:21:00.002-06:00

Don't you forget it!

Vintage ad.

2008-03-24T06:33:00.000-06:00

Happy Easter!

2008-03-23T06:44:00.000-06:00

Vegan Chocolate Cupcakes with Orange Icing

2008-03-22T23:58:00.004-06:00

I made 18 of these tonight at my friend Jackie's house (Fiesta ware courtesy of Jackie's mom).

The recipe can be found here: Vegan Chocolate Cupcakes

I followed it to the letter EXCEPT for using lemon juice in place of the vinegar to prevent a weird aftertaste. The orange icing was just powdered sugar whisked with orange juice and blue food coloring to throw everyone off.

These were GOOD and I hope to make them again...maybe with orange zest in the cupcakes? Maybe?

MMM.

Hey Michelle!

2008-03-22T14:30:00.002-06:00

Your misheard lyrics would actually make an awesome band name.

They would!

Again?

2008-03-20T21:20:00.003-06:00

I have no idea how long this motivation to draw will last so I might as well assault you with these things while I still can.

Heh.

Get it? It's unCANny and it's in a CAN.

Whatever. It's LATE too.

In the middle of the night...

2008-03-20T00:49:00.001-06:00

Didn't you know penguins were white now?

Um?

2008-03-18T06:49:00.000-06:00

Mastodon skeleton for sale.

1. Who wants to keep a mastodon skeleton in their house?
2. Is it even legal to sell one of those things?
3. No. Really. WHO DOES THAT?!

They should donate it to a museum. They won't get money BUT COME ON.

Safe Cupcake.

2008-03-16T10:00:00.000-06:00

Because, well, who wants a dangerous one?

P.S. INSOMNIA STRIKES AGAIN!

Insomnia.

2008-03-13T15:46:00.002-06:00

Direct effect of insomnia.

HA!

Berry Clafouti

2008-03-13T13:29:00.008-06:00

Wait...there are RECIPES on here? No way!

Heh.

I didn't actually MAKE this, my mom did, but it was really good. Plus it's simple enough that I COULD make it and I plan to VERY SOON.

Anyway. Here it is.

Oh you wanted the recipe. Oh ok.

Here.

FRESH FRUIT CLAFOUTI - taken from The New Family Cookbook for People with Diabetes (via National Nutrition Month's 2008 Newsletter)

1 1/2 cups fresh fruit (peaches, cherries, a fruity mix, whatever)
2/3 cup fat-free evaporated milk
1 large egg, beaten or 1/4 cup egg substitute
2T all-purpose flour
2T sugar
1/2t pure vanilla extract
1/8t nutmeg (freshly grated is best)
1/8t salt
1T sifted powdered sugar

Preheat the oven to 375F. Prepare an 8 inch glass pie plate with nonstick pan spray. Layer the fruit in the plate.

Combine the milk, egg, flour, sugar, vanilla, nutmeg and salt in a food processor. Process until smooth, then pour over the fruit.

Bake 35 to 40 minutes, or until golden brown. Serve warm sprinkled with powdered sugar.

ENJOY!

Strawberry Lemon Lime Cupcakes

2008-03-08T13:29:00.003-07:00

Hello.

I just made some cupcakes. They are for a birthday party. Since this was the first time I've ever baked something for a party I used packaged mixes to ensure non-grossness but I want to try making more cupcakes and fine-tuning this because it was fun! There is a vegan vanilla cupcake recipe out there I want to play around with. Maybe next time.

Basically this was all I did.

1. Opened some lemon cake mix and made the batter.
2. Added lime zest to the batter.
3. Filled the cups 2/3 full and baked that mess.
4. Frosted the cupcakes with a dollop of strawberry frosting and orange sprinkles.
5. So freaking easy.

The cupcakes are on this groovy cupcake holder thing my mom gave me. She always finds STUFF that is AWESOME out of NOWHERE. Thank you mom! It's perfect for a birthday!

Let's go in for a closer look.

MMMMM.

Gift cards are a risk...

2008-03-06T06:16:00.002-07:00

...just like any other investment. You may want to think twice before giving one as a gift. My cousin went through the same thing when a store she bought a card from went bankrupt.

Gift Card Capers.

Give them money instead. Money still works as far as I know.

Would you like some cauliflower?

2008-03-05T06:18:00.003-07:00

Last night my mom and I made some purple cauliflower I bought at Liberty Heights Fresh with my birthday giftcard (thank you, Jordan and Kevin). Being the sheltered individual I am, I wasn't aware cauliflower grew purple. I had seen it orange before (it looks like cheese popcorn in a bed of lettuce to me) but not purple! Purple? Purple!

Well, it didn't taste any different BUT it looked REALLY COOL. At first the cauliflower is a light purple - almost lavender. When you steam it, however, it develops a deeper color with tones of blue.

Like THIS:

Isn't that freaky?? I love it!! Most people cringe when their food takes on the appearance of an alien life form but not me! I can't stop looking at it!

Puuuuurpllllleee...aaahhhhhh...

We put sea salt and fresh ground black pepper on it with a little butter. Delicious! My friend has a recipe for "Caulirice" which uses a ground head of cauliflower as the "rice". CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW AWESOME IT WOULD LOOK IN PURPLE? What if I added a little orange cauliflower to it? I may have to get some again - no. I HAVE to get some again. This was so cool!

Okay I am calm now.

I have been tagged!

2008-02-29T11:46:00.001-07:00

How exciting! That hardly ever happens!

From Holly.

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find sentences 5,6, and 7, and post them.
4. Tag five people.

I am at work (BUT ON A BREAK DAMNIT) so this should be interesting. The NEAREST book is a 1995 copy of Peterson's Register of Higher Education. Sentences 5,6, and 7 are from Coastal Carolina University's listing. I have never even heard of them before. New discovery! Woohoo!

Bookstore: Carol Collins, Bookstore Manager, extension 2361.

Branch Campus: Stewart Strothers, Director of Georgetown Extension, 803-XXX-XXXX
(I am not dumb enough to post the actual number).

Business Affairs (Chief Officer): Dr. Sally Horner, Vice-Chancellor for Fiscal Affairs, extension 2043.

I am tagging Michele and some other people when I figure out who that should be.

Heh.

Garfield minus Garfield

2008-02-26T06:02:00.000-07:00

My friend Jeannie sent me this.

Garfield minus Garfield.

It's so wrong and SO FUNNY.

Cookie Softball.

2008-02-25T18:17:00.002-07:00

My mom recently bought some cookies for a meeting she was having at work. She put them on a dish to take and gave me a freezer bag about 1/4 full of broken bits of cookie. Those weren't pretty enough for the dish, according to her.

Well...I started snacking on the bits of cookie (chocolate chunk, oatmeal raisin and macadamia) until I realized it was going to be hard to get every last bit out of the bag.

So.

I smooshed the cookie bits up into a ball. Since they were soft it was very easy. This I have been snacking on each day since Saturday.

I just finished the last of it now.

It was the size of a baseball.

Holy crap. DELICIOUS. Hopefully my mom has another meeting and makes another cookie platter soon because DAMN. SO GOOD!!!

That was all.